Apparently some fisherman in Penghu got more than he bargained for the other day. Just WTF is this thing??!! Is Taiwan under attack from some new species of killer green slime monsters?!

Scary shit.


Taiwan Tobacco and Liquor Corp. shows its class

Aside from its flagship Taiwan Gold Medal Beer (the cans and bottles have images of medals from Brussels on them, but, seriously, what competition in Belgium would award that crap anything but the prize for “best beer in a green and white can made in Taiwan”?), the Taiwan Tobacco and Liquor Corp. also produces such pisswater as “Shaohsing Chiew” which it reckons is “world famous”.

Rollei Digital Camera

TTL RUM: Suavity incarnate.

But it’s in its manufacture of Western style beverages that TTL comes into its own. The company’s rum is noted for its “smooth and suavity” and the gin, we are informed, is “100 neutral” and “flavoured with a juniper” (just the one).

It certainly won’t be long before these fine products take the international markets by storm. You heard it here, first.

This is as unbiased a drop of booze as you'll ever come across ...

This is as unbiased a drop of booze as you’ll ever come across …

Selfish Bastards on the MRT

Rail hogs maximise the space they can take up so they can have it all to themselves.

Rail hogs maximise the space they can take up so they can have it all to themselves.

Finally the fathead on the left grudgingly budges, while Miggins on the left helpfully lifts up a shopping bag, leaving a handbag in place. In any case, it wouldn't have helped the woman in the middle ...

Finally the fathead on the left grudgingly budges, while Miggins on the rights helpfully lifts up a shopping bag, leaving a handbag in place. In any case, it wouldn’t have helped the woman in the middle …

I could write tomes on this. Really. Not a day goes past without some selfish bastard doing some selfish bastardy behaviour on the MRT. This particular ruse I have seen several times. For starters, the types who just put their tiny handbags on these rails as if they can’t carry them for a few stops are bad enough. They often put the bag down and then stand in front of the other half of the rail, essentially not using it but making sure no one else can.

But worse are the pair of dipsticks you can see in the above snaps. The bloke is sitting there with his tiny netbook case occupying enough space on the rest of the rail to make what’s left just too small for anyone to sit on. This bag is so minuscule that I cannot believe that he is putting it there for any other reason than to have the place to himself.

Now we come to the blockhead to the right of him who has gone a step further. She has plonked herself in the middle with her bag to the side so it is impossible for anyone to sit or put anything on the rail. Again, I refuse to believe this is an ‘accident’. It is so strategic, that it is clearly by design.

In the second photo, at last, a tired-looking 60-something woman approached the rails and through her body language basically made no bones about the fact that she wanted to sit down. Still, Mr. iPad slickster made a ‘put out’ expression as he shuffle his bag a few inches to the side, still only enough to allow the woman to perch uncomfortably on the corner as you can see. You will notice that from the first to the second photo, the other moron has picked up her pink paper shopping bag from the right, making a pretence ofhelping to create space without so much as moving one inch! In any case, her other bag remains in place.

I see this kind of selfish bastard idiocy almost every day.  Sometimes I want to give these fools a right slap …

Why Let Facts Get in the Way of a Crap Meme?

50 percent and a load of irrelevant waffle … Must try harder.

The amount of idiotic memes doing the rounds at the moment seems to be increasing exponentially by the day. ‘Like if you hate cancer’ (Me? I love it!) … Like and this poor fucker gets a new dick … This shit has been exposed ages ago as ‘like farming’ and decent articles have been trying to hammer the message home ever since, but way too many people are – frankly – just clueless when it comes to the old Intranet.

This one above that has been circulating in Taiwan is not a scam as such, rather just very crap. Let’s do like MC Hammer and breggidown:


1) Lowest birthrate: wrong.

2) Last country using traditional characters: wrong (they’re used in Hong Kong and Macau, which are basically provinces of China. If you want to argue that they aren’t, well trad. characters are also used in Guangzhou and by calligraphers all over China. So shut it.)

3) Slightly bigger than Belgium: Pretty much true but so the fuck what? How about almost bang-on the same size as Guinea-Bissau or a third the size of Somaliland? What, not so cool?

4) Not Thailand: Erm …

5) Not in the UN: Yep.

6) First democracy: Tosh. Maybe they meant Republic, but leaving aside the fact that that lasted a couple of months, it would still be wrong.

7) Highest density of convenience stores: Congratulations!

8) Reading on a Taiwanese product: Nope. Well, at least not a Taiwanese brand.

9) Not a part of China: (genuine) Yay!

10) 100th birthday: Oh dear … Not this old chestnut again. 1911 … What was Taiwan’s status at the time. Rising Sun flags hoisted around the island as far as I’m aware. More rubbish.

So that’s 5/10, I make it. and of the half that are factual, I’d say two are vaguely worth writing home about. Not the best advertisement of how much you love your country this one, peeps.

The Queen is Dead. Long Live Maggie Thatcher!

These old white chrumblies all look the same to me ...

These old white chrumblies all look the same to me …

It’s no news that Taiwanese people are in general shockingly insular when it comes to world affairs. I once had to oversee a general knowledge quiz at a high school and was astounded when hardly anyone in a class of 30-odd had heard of Nelson Mandela or knew what the capital of Spain is (I think, maybe two or three people knew Madrid and Mandela rang a bell for a couple).

In this blissful ignorance, as in most things, they seem to be aping the great nation whose ‘culture’ they so admire. But even the Yanks would surely not make such a pig’s ear of this one. In fact, they definitely wouldn’t as they couldn’t get enough of the old hag as all today’s gushing tributes indicate (Clinton’s fawning was particularly nauseating).

Basically mega-shite (according to foreign and taiwanese pals) TV channel CTI reported that the Iron Lady popped her clogs but ran pics and vids of the Queen. Oh dear. Interesting, they do show Maggie right at the end and look who’s she’s chilling with: her old mate Augusto Pince-nez. Great split-second of footage to choose. For all the Taiwanese I saw on FB today offering condolences and saying how sad it was and the like, you might want to look into who the harridan kept company with.

Anyway, the whole hilarious gaffe can be found here.  This is such an appalling fuck up that you’d expect heads to roll and some real soul searching; only this is Taiwan, so you wouldn’t, really. As usual I noticed that a lot of the commentary that my missus translated referred to how this embarrassed the country and made everyone ‘lose face’. Like 95 percent of anyone watching noticed anyway! All about face as ever, rather than the fact of being ignorant. As long as know one knows, everything’s all right …

Bad Winners

Some pillock burning a Korean flag in Taipei a few years back.

Some pillock burning a Korean flag in Taipei a few years back.

Now, being a Britisherist, I have no time for the silly girls’ sport known in England as rounders, but I’m glad to see Taiwan doing well at anything. They don’t get a lot of time in the limelight, and when they do, it’s usually for negative reasons brought about by saber-rattling from Big Brother across the Strait. So good on em for getting through to the next round of this baseball thingy that’s going on here in Taiwan, by beating their arch nemesis South Korea 3-2.

There’s just one thing that detracts from all the euphoria and that’s the ugly nationalism that seems to surface anytime Taiwan locks horns with Korea in any arena, be in online gaming or tiddlywinks. You’d think that people would just be happy they qualified. But when I looked at the missus’ FB page this morning (I don’t used the cursed thing), I noticed more comments crowing about the fact the Korea went out (even though they won the game concerned) than there were whoops of joy for Taiwan. Rather mean-spirited and, frankly, lame I thought. Some of these comments were in English (like the people concerned wanted all their English-speaking pals to know such pleasant opinions as: “fuck you cheating Korea, go back home!”).  The majority were in Chinese, which my missus translated, and some of these were really unsavoury.

One that stuck out was when a friend of the missus actually spoke out against all the “kimchi” (as they call them) baiting, saying it was stoked by the media (quite true from what I can see) and that the Koreans were no worse than any other nation when it came to underhand behaviour in sports. Her rational, fair-minded comment was met with a barrage of derision including a comment that my missus helped me translate that ran: “Koreans are especially dirty. anyone who has eyes can see their sly little moves. It’s not the media that is discrediting them, just their own dirty play.” Sounds like racist bollocks to me.

Now I come from a country where that kind of xenophobic ranting is way to prevalent in sport. I suppose the Germans would be our equivalent or Italy if we’re focussing on “cheating”. But even so, you would not get the ludicrous bias that I later had pointed out to me by an American mate  who is a bit more clued up about this stuff. As we (well him, really – I was just an innocent bystander, honest) watched the highlights on ELTA, the TV channel showing the games, he observed that no once did they replay ANY of the Korean action. Even though Taiwan LOST the game, they played the Taiwanese hits and successful plays over and over again in a highlight reel.  This included not ONCE showing the home run that the Korean batter hit off Taiwan’s star pitcher (forget the name), which I think won the game.

I mentioned this to my girlfriend’s mates over a drink and they replied that any country would do the same, favouring the home nation. But think about it. As biased and blinkered as we are back home, can you really imagine the Beeb showing England’s two goals over and over and conveniently leaving out the three, say, Germany scored to win the game. It would be barmy and, quite frankly, embarrassing. It actually sounds more akin to the “alternate reality” type broadcasts you get from totalitarian regimes. (I’m recalling the other Korea’s shutdown of a public broadcast during S. Africa 2010. If i remember correctly, they showed a group game against Ivory Coast on the back of a strong performance in the first match against Brazil – probably on fear of being sent to the gulags – then switched it off mid-pasting).

Anyway, well done Taiwan, but remember – it’s not just losers who can be ungracious.

University Addresses Concerns over “Concern” E-mail That Sparked Concerns

Students use offensive la

Students using language that “misinterpreted the justice and rationality of public speaking” recently …

The baldly stated thesis of this post:

The universities that are stopping students from “holding assemblies” let alone protesting are a fucking disgrace.

Taiwan constantly harps on about the “miracle” of its transition to democracy and hard-won rights but allows – nay – enforces regulations on students, preventing them even organising.

Turton has already gone over this sorry saga here. I don’t read Chinese but I’m going to stick my oar in and say this really is an embarrassing state of affairs. Having attended a university that is famous for its activist traditions, it sickens me to read this kind of shit.

Basically, much like the situation with trade unions, but far more disgraceful, many universities in Taiwan don’t allow any kind of student activism (it seems even student gatherings are banned by many unis). With some students agitating over the  deal to flush Taiwan’s press freedoms down the shitter  Next Media ownership furore,  the Ministry of Education apparently circulated some email telling unis to “show concern” over student activities.  .

A student body hit back, one of em called the Minister of Education Chiang Wei-ling a “hypocrite” and said he wasn’t fit for office and suddenly his university (Tsing Hua) is apologising to the guy and “to society” as a whole, and expressing its “profound heartache”  at the student’s “arbitrary conduct,” and base behaviour that “misinterpreted the justice and rationality of public speaking and ignored that people should show respect to each other during their interactions.”

This is what universities are for FFS! This really all pangs of PRC/fascist shit and shows exactly why the “concerns” (the only genuine ones in this shameful affair) of the students were bang on in the first place! Good luck to em.




Elite English

“Teacher, my favourite food is pizza!”

There’s no doubting the quality of some of the bushiban schools in Taiwan. Just look at some of the names: Trinity, Little Harvard, St. George’s … the list of stellar institutes of English crammery is endless.  The late great Wall Street Institute, in particular,  is well-known for the same fine principles as its financial namesake .

Then we have ELITE. This fine establishment is not only a centre of excellence in Chinglish-learning but also very helpful to boot. Just look at how they direct all their eager students to their premises next to  a world famous pizza chain.

Seriously, how dimwitted do you have to be to stick up a big sign for an English school without having it given the once over by someone who might, you know, be able to read at a level slightly higher than [English primary school joke warning] Roger Red Hat? Morons.