This dickwad works for ISS, a Danish Multinational in Taiwan. Spread the Word to Local Press … Shouldn’t be too Hard to Find the Cunt

FTNM is not one to do reserve. If I’d been the forriner in this vid, this bellend woulda had his head kicked in and currently be resting in the deep bamboo by now.

Still, he’s got the chump on video, even though Mr. Tuff Guy wouldn’t give his name. As the forrin fella seems to be having no joy with the cops let’s get the fine folk in the Taiwanese media on fucktard’s case.

Real easy. He’s a security guard for ISS, a Danish company in Taiwan. It says so on his grimy, unbuttoned uniform. What a gibbering fucking moron!

Here’s the ISS Web site:

And their address is here:

My Chinese reading being non-existent, my mate says that is 10F, No.20, Bade Rd, Section 3 in Songshan.

Let’s spread the word and have the press round there first thing bright and early. I’m sure Mr. Man will be pleased to explain his views on trash loawai to all and sundry. Happy hunting!



Lord, put me outta my misery before I get to this stage …

Is this what happens to old forrinners?

Is this what happens to old forrinners?

This geezer rocks. He’s busting all kinds of rudeness. Hard to see exactly how dope that shirt is from this photo, but basically it’s a pink silk Chinese-style number. He’s obviously one of those sad lifers who reckons he’s semi-Taiwanese or something. Probably has shit-hot Chinese and knows all the most obscure and ridiculous customs but they still just call him a fat old loawei behind his back.

Then, he’s toppin it off with that hat, complete with string. The only thing that’s lacking is some Crocodile-Dundee-styley corks on strings, though he does have one string for a chinstrap – a real touch of class.

If you’re not feelin his stylo, there’s also the trainers. Clunky-ass pieces of crap, shoelaces untied, giving him even more a a caj look! Love the way he’s tapping away on that laptop.

Finally, and certainly not least, what the fuck is gannin on with his bag. It appears to be hooked up to a ketring in his computer, with a cord for the headphones coming from it … and that blue light?! Cyborg alert! You’d think these man-machines could turn themselves out a little more presentable, like, though.

Seriously, though, when I see these foreign oldsters, I fear for my sanity and know I have to get out of here eventually before I end up looking like this embarrassment!

MRT Passengers Need to Grow a Pair

Listen you fuckers, why doesn't one of you kick the shit out of me, eh?!

Listen you fuckers, why doesn’t one of you kick the shit out of me, eh?!

Out on the lash tonight … just staggered back and can’t be arsed to figure out howto embed the video from the news article below, so I’m just posting the link here.  It’s from the local news service United Daily News and shows some forriner going apeshit on the MRT. They’re claiming he is Czech but it certainly doesn’t sound like to me. Anyhoo, this fool is ranting and raving and no one does a damn thing. I was out with a Mexican and American pal tonight and they both said this guy would have copped a beating bigtime if he’d been trying to chuck it like this on public transport in their home countries. Actually, in the States, he’d probably have a cap popped in that ass, as the gangster rap types say. If he’d been spouting that shit in London, especially the given the way he was slagging the locals off, then I’m pretty sure he would’ve got battered, too. I do reckon he has some mental issues, but unfortunately that’s not going to stop you catching a clobberin. In fact, it might even invite an even quicker end to your ravings as people ain’t going to take the risk that you might start getting physical, to quote, er, Olivia Newton Jones, was it? That’s just the thing though … The geezer’s whole “point” (yeah, it’s hard to find one in the midst of all that mouth-frothing madness) seems to be that Taiwanese area spineless bunch who don’t stand up to aggression and conforntation of the very sort he is exhibiting. And, it’s an ironic kind of paradox that he sees to be right! The only fella who says shit to him seems to receive his congrats and hearty pat of the back before he launches into his rantings again to tell the others that “his friend” is the only one standing up to him. In a way, it’s a kind of fascinating point. “I’m going to act like an utter cunt to prove that you lot don’t stand up to utter cunts”, though I doubt he has actually had the clearvision to formulate a strategy in that way. Anyway, mental illness or not, someone definitely needed to slap some sense into him. People were saying all over Facebook and online media that he didn’t touch or even physically threaten anyone but that’s bollocks. He was getting all up in people’s faces and he was clearly actually touching one bloke near the end. The guy in question seems to only grow a pair of gonads once the staff, who I guess were alerted by someone on one of the intercoms, get on the carriage. He then appears to mutter some half-hearted stuff back at our headcase hero. As people have mentioned, this guy went at it for well past the amount of time that skinny little fuck had to kill four people on the MRT last year, so – sorry dude, if you’re just a general loon, or having a meltdown cos your cram school finally got tired of seeing your old miserable arse getting older and more miserable in front of tearful toddlers, and gave you the chop, but you get that aggro that close to me and you get tiger uppercutted the fuck out. Oh, and when I slammed that shit into GoogleTranslate, I saw the article referred to “Adoulah” which I know is a Taiwanese word for forriners that isn’t polite. I read somewhere that it came from Japanese as when they pointed at forriners, they would say “Look, a dog, ah!” Not sure if that’s true … also heard that it means “big nose”. Whetever, trust the local media to put these fucking discriminating words in their articles for no reason than to get a racist dig in. The geezer was a twat, not a “foreign twat”. I also saw people on the Taiwan News in English thread saying “Another forriner being out of order etc.” Why are they saying “ANOTHER” like this is what we expect from loa wai all the time  …? Seems some forriners have been here too long and go in for the tarring everyone with the same brush mentality that passes for insight into other cultures to Taiwanese. Self-loathing mo-fos.

Bet she wins the three legged race every time …

Now, I know it’s rude to stare but I was on the MRT today and, well, I’d never seen something like this before and it kind of freaked me out. Behold, the girl with the three legs:


Mindless MRT Morons Part 326


God, this is soooooo good, I think everyone in this carriage should hear it.


Yes, boys and girls, it’s your friendly local Nightmarketer back on the corner. Been away so long – out of the country again on top secret biz, and up to my neck in work – but I’m like Take That now: Back For Good.

Not only am I back, but I’m that other thing that people who are back often are (especially rappers from what I recall) MAD. You’d be a fool to cross my path. Alas, there are way too many bozos in Taipei City who make that mistake. The numpty above is a prime example.

This pea-brained pranny was listening to her shitty Taiwanese game show on her mobile, complete with those unspeakably stupid sound effects (thing Bruce Wayne Batman “POW! WHAM!” shit here) that these shows have to have, because to not have them would make life so dull. I left her ridiculously selfish carry-on go for a while but a man has to be allowed to hit the local honeys up on hook-up social media in peace without that droning dross in his lughole.

“Turn that fucking shit off before I give you a slap,” I told her. Something like that, though it may have been more like ‘Excuse me, if you want to listen to that, could you use earphones?” My Chinese being very rubbish, I motioned and made it clear what I meant. She pretended not to understand but her acting was about as good as what you see in the poxy soaps (my ex use to love em – part of the reason she’s my ex) that, in between her marathon variety show sessions, she doubtless manages to squeeze into her hectic schedule.

A couple of stops later she got off and then waited til the doors were about to close before shouting “Fuck! Fucky! Fucking you!” Unfortunately for her, the beeping that signifies the doors closing was literally a false alarm and they didn’t close.

Now I get up with my best broad psycho grin on my mug and approach. Cue the most desperate scuttling escape you’ve ever seen in your life. Her flabby little legs were going twenty to the dozen as she disappeared down the platform.

I guess she got home early than usual, so I helped the fathead by giving her a few extra minutes loafing time in front of whatever retarded crap she was watching next. Don’t say FTNM ain’t a considerate bloke.

Sitting Bull

Been on an extended hiatus for a few months, out of the country on top-secret, undercover work. True, that.

No sooner am I back than I come across this idiot.


I don’t even have to know this individual to know what she’s like.

I’ve known em before and dissed em hard. she wasn’t exhausted to the point where she felt compelled to sit down in the queueing lane on the MRT platform. No. Even the most tired of people doesn’t do this. She wasn’t meditating. Nor was she upset, feeling sad, injured, or practicing for the Taiwan luge team at Sochi.

She just wanted everyone to look  at her the way the old pranny that I see near exit 1 of Zhongxiao MRT does every morning when he does his arm-flapping Tai Qi in the middle of the pavement. He could do it down the road at the park where all the other oldsters clap and flap but, no! It has to be right there with all the clamor and chaos – perfect spot for what i believe is meant to be meditative, contemplative exercise. Twerp.

And so too this muppet. Aren’t I cool and different? No. You’re not. You’re a fucking muppet.


Selfish Bastards on the MRT

Rail hogs maximise the space they can take up so they can have it all to themselves.

Rail hogs maximise the space they can take up so they can have it all to themselves.

Finally the fathead on the left grudgingly budges, while Miggins on the left helpfully lifts up a shopping bag, leaving a handbag in place. In any case, it wouldn't have helped the woman in the middle ...

Finally the fathead on the left grudgingly budges, while Miggins on the rights helpfully lifts up a shopping bag, leaving a handbag in place. In any case, it wouldn’t have helped the woman in the middle …

I could write tomes on this. Really. Not a day goes past without some selfish bastard doing some selfish bastardy behaviour on the MRT. This particular ruse I have seen several times. For starters, the types who just put their tiny handbags on these rails as if they can’t carry them for a few stops are bad enough. They often put the bag down and then stand in front of the other half of the rail, essentially not using it but making sure no one else can.

But worse are the pair of dipsticks you can see in the above snaps. The bloke is sitting there with his tiny netbook case occupying enough space on the rest of the rail to make what’s left just too small for anyone to sit on. This bag is so minuscule that I cannot believe that he is putting it there for any other reason than to have the place to himself.

Now we come to the blockhead to the right of him who has gone a step further. She has plonked herself in the middle with her bag to the side so it is impossible for anyone to sit or put anything on the rail. Again, I refuse to believe this is an ‘accident’. It is so strategic, that it is clearly by design.

In the second photo, at last, a tired-looking 60-something woman approached the rails and through her body language basically made no bones about the fact that she wanted to sit down. Still, Mr. iPad slickster made a ‘put out’ expression as he shuffle his bag a few inches to the side, still only enough to allow the woman to perch uncomfortably on the corner as you can see. You will notice that from the first to the second photo, the other moron has picked up her pink paper shopping bag from the right, making a pretence ofhelping to create space without so much as moving one inch! In any case, her other bag remains in place.

I see this kind of selfish bastard idiocy almost every day.  Sometimes I want to give these fools a right slap …

Begging the Question

Outside an MRT station – I forget which one … Quite a few of them don hats to protect themselves from the sun. didn’t the Buddha starve himself in the jungle, exposed to the elements? These guys want us to believe they are roughing it but I don’t see any of the poverty-stricken street paupers in Taipei wearing hats!

There are beggars the world over and Taipei is no exception. I give them a few shekels now and then, buy them some grub – heck I’ve even shared a bev with one or two in my time (though generally I don’t give em cash if I think they’re just going to booze it away).

These down-on-their-luck tramps of the normal variety I’ve never had ant real beef with. It’s the professional mendicants with the veneer of piety on their side that get my goat. Don’t get me wrong: of the religions I’ve come across, the Buddhist and Taoist beliefs in Taiwan seem the most tolerant and least in your face. By that I mean they don’t go around like the fucking Mor(m)ons proselytising and harassing all and sundry with their crap.

Inside Taipei Main Station: This guy was unabashedly going up to everyone he came across – even a disabled geezer as you can see here.

But I don’t like the fact that superstitious Taiwanese (like my girlfriend) are cowed into giving religious beggars money by the the thought that it’s doing em some karmic good. In many cases these same people wouldn’t think twice about giving the dirty tramp outside the 711 a penny but they get all terrified into coughing up as soon as they see some baldy ‘nun’ or ‘monk’ in an orange cloak with an official card round their neck approving their scrounging and a metal bowl. Some of these lot sit there kowtowing, pressing their heads off the pavement to add to the guilt trip.

It ain’t like we never had this shit in Europe back in the day but there’s a reason why begging for alms died out there hundred of years ago. Simply put, no one thinks they’ll rot in hell if they don’t give some holy fraud money. Not that all of these lot are frauds in the sense that they are knowingly ripping people off. I’m sure some of them believe in the sanctity of their calling. I just happen to believe it’s complete hogwash.

Here’s the geezer from shipai texting away on his iphone. Note the nice watch and the hefty satchel crammed with his lucky charms and ill-gotten gains.

In some cases, though, they are definitely crooked. I’ve seen a couple who are constantly shifting their eyes about em, looking to see if they are being observed before emptying their bowls full of crisp hundreds that they’ve made from their tough morning loafing into their pockets or wallets. Why? So the next hapless fool that wants a bunk up to Nirvana won’t see that they’re positively rolling in the readies. A bowl overflowing with notes doesn’t go with the image of the humble ascetic that these lot are trying to project.

Even those con men, though, pale into insignificance compared to new breed of aggressive ‘religious’ panhandlers I’ve come across in Taipei recently. I’ve seen these types in Southeast Asia and India but only here more recently. Their favoured technique is to get your attention and before you realise it, try and hand you some stupid little laminated ‘Buddhist’ image. Once you have it in your hand (which FTNM being an on-his-toes type who would never fall for such lame techniques never has), you are ‘obliged’ to give the fuckers a donation. The other day near Guting MRT, one of these ne’er-do-wells attempted this style on me. When I told him to do one, he followed me down the street declaring ‘No, no, no, no!’ (I’m not sure what this repeated denial was about but from his tone, rather than telling me  I wasn’t allowed to refuse his advances, I think he was attempting to stress that he wasn’t engaging in any chicanery).

Here he is again, fleeing the scene. Once the old turd knew I was on to him, he scurried off like a rat up a drainpipe.

Another time I saw a guy (see two pics above) skulking about in Tienmu (they are moving up in the world), attempting to force his trinkets on people (even going in shops and disturbing owners and customers). Later I caught sight of him scoffing MacDonald’s fries, washed down with a large Coke in a shady nook of a park near the market in nearby Shipai. When the old charlatan noticed me trying to snap photos (I’m pretty sure he recognised me from earlier), he quickly got up and hurried off heading for the MRT station. As (for him, bad) luck would have it, I happened to be going the same way and tailed him at a leisurely pace.

We ended up on the same MRT carriage and – lo and behold – the toerag only goes and pulls out an iPhone and starts texting. An iPhone ffs! I don’t have a bloody iPhone. On his wrist was a chunky watch that looked like it was pretty good quality. When to his dismay he spotted me spotting him again, he got up at the next stop and and got off the MRT. Suspecting a ruse,  I peered out the door and saw him scampering down the platform to re-enter further down. Needless to say, his terror was tenfold when he looked up from the latest priority seat he had occupied those couple of carriages down and there I was standing right in front of him again.

By the way, I’ve also heard that ‘official, accredited’ spongers like him (he had a card round his neck when he was roaming the streets, though who knows if it was fake) get subsidised or free MRT passes. Is that coming from taxpayers money?

This hefty looking bloke was hanging around in a lane downtown looking like a cross between an American convict in an orange jumpsuit and an astronaut.

Anyway, I think these ponces have a bloody cheek and that in most case they are bone idlers who need a good slap rather than the fawning respect that some seem to think they merit. I do have some other better pictures of some of the more aggro ones, people who go into shops trying to hand out these ‘cards’ but as I can’t seen to find them right now, I’ve just included a few of the more shady characters I’ve seen around town, especially the fellow I’ve just mentioned.

I’m not trying to say Taiwanese, or anyone, should stop giving to beggars. Each to their own. Charity, giving or whatever people want to call it, is admirable when well-directed. But I just don’t get why the poorest, dirtiest bums get routinely ignored while the ‘religious’ mendicants seem to get swamped with dosh. Do people really believe that you’ll earn more karma by giving to these ‘spiritual’ types when many of them are clearly nothing but hucksters? Even the genuinely ‘pious’ ones usually look much better off than the average tramp.

Whatever. I’ll stick to the really needy and leave others (including my gf and her fam) to be suckered in the name of religion!

Bird Shit

Now FTNM is no art critic but we knows what we like and this sure ain’t it. It looks like some lame attempt to copy the “superflat” crap of Takashi Murakami. As that Japanese artist is, in my opinion, an utter fucking charlatan along with pretty much 90 percent of “contemporary” artists these days, this is even worse that shit.

“Daydream”, as it is called, stands in Taipei Main Station near one of the exits to the Q Square Mall and Taipei Bus Station. The placard describing the point behind the monstrosity is filled with insight.

Oh, so that’s what it means … Wait. It’s still shit.

“Water” apparently “flows from the bird head covering the young girl’s face”. Hmmm, perhaps I’m missing something. “A girl that would never grow up”. OK, maybe starting to make something approaching sense now. “A pencil that will never write”. Nope. Free flow bollocks again. Best of all is the fact that she’s “caught between montion and stillness.” I don’t see much “montion” going on myself, but – hey – what do I know.

Meanwhile, I dread to think how much taxpayer’s dough was spunked on this eyesore. Ridiculous.