More Racist MRT Shit

Rollei Digital Camera

Daddy, I can’t believe you don’t know the rules despite having lived in Taipei since before I was born.

Seriously, enough is a fucking nuff. Why oh why does every wrongdoer in MRT ads have to be foreign?

I’ve already commented on the blatant racism in MRT ads showing whities and forrin-looking types robbing and molesterin innocent locals. Even though this one is less blatantly offensive, it’s still the same old shit: westerners breaking the rules. At the very least, it is saying “Hey, you dumb forriners, learn the rules.”

The various excuses I’ve heard from locals range from: “It just happens to be a white person” to “Well some foreigners might not know.”

Both of these excuses are rubbish. If it just happens to be a whitey, why is the guy’s missus a local (I guess we should be happy that they’re portraying mixed marriages) who is telling him to stop his naughty conduct? Though less malicious than the robber/molester ads, this ad is even more annoying in a way because the wife and kid know the rules but he doesn’t. If he’s been around long enough to have a kid of, what around six-plus years old and she knows what’s what, don’t you reckon he would as well?

I’m surprised the mixed-race kid isn’t depicted as half breaking the rules, say, perhaps eying the food and considering munching on it. After all, these half-breeds aren’t technically Chinese are they? From what my mate with two little girls of a similar age tells me, it’s a thing of wonder to most (non-mixed race) Taiwanese that these “foreigners” can speak Chinese.

Who woulda thought that a mongrel child born in Taiwan, educated in local schools and constantly hearing and communicating in Chinese with friends and relatives would be able to master the tongue. Well done! But I’m digressing into another rant here …

Anyway, enough of these stupid fucking ads Taipei City. At the very least they are patronising and to many of us forriners, they are downright rude.

Oh and why the fuck does it have “no chewing betel nut” in English? How many foreigners are likely to be doing that, eh? Dumb as anything.


Comical behaviour

Oh, Shao Ming, this is the best date we've ever been on ...

Oh, Shao Ming, this is the best date we’ve ever been on …

What is with with grown adults reading comics here? I’m not talking graphic novels or anything half serious but crappy Japanese manga comic books (again, not the cool stuff, but Doraemon and “One Piece” – that pirate cartoon that is an obsession here).

There are shops selling (and renting?) this crap all over Taipei and you can see people of all ages and walks of life sitting in and outside these places wasting hours of their time on stuff that wouldn’t be challenging to the average seven-year-old. I’ve seen businessmen types, suited and booted sitting on the porch of these places (there’s usually seating outside) captivated by these mindless things.

I guess we should be thankful that they are reading something – aside from this rubbish and textbooks, Taiwanese in general do not appear to be big readers. I’m not saying people back in the UK are bookish but you see many more people reading on the tube and elsewhere in public in London and other cities. And while it might not be literary classics, at the very least I’m talking about books that aren’t peppered with pictures.

Just have a look at these two above. A couple (I gathered this from the one bit of physical contact they made during the near half and hour I saw them on the MRT – a brief touch of hands), they barely so much as glanced at each other while chuckling away at their comics (One Piece, I think). When the gimp of a guy did speak to his paramour, it was just to ask if she was finished and wanted to swap (she declined).

Seriously, I know they’re not hurting anyone, but that ain’t going to stop me what declaring: what a pair of fucking saddoes.

Bet she wins the three legged race every time …

Now, I know it’s rude to stare but I was on the MRT today and, well, I’d never seen something like this before and it kind of freaked me out. Behold, the girl with the three legs:


Mindless MRT Morons Part 326


God, this is soooooo good, I think everyone in this carriage should hear it.


Yes, boys and girls, it’s your friendly local Nightmarketer back on the corner. Been away so long – out of the country again on top secret biz, and up to my neck in work – but I’m like Take That now: Back For Good.

Not only am I back, but I’m that other thing that people who are back often are (especially rappers from what I recall) MAD. You’d be a fool to cross my path. Alas, there are way too many bozos in Taipei City who make that mistake. The numpty above is a prime example.

This pea-brained pranny was listening to her shitty Taiwanese game show on her mobile, complete with those unspeakably stupid sound effects (thing Bruce Wayne Batman “POW! WHAM!” shit here) that these shows have to have, because to not have them would make life so dull. I left her ridiculously selfish carry-on go for a while but a man has to be allowed to hit the local honeys up on hook-up social media in peace without that droning dross in his lughole.

“Turn that fucking shit off before I give you a slap,” I told her. Something like that, though it may have been more like ‘Excuse me, if you want to listen to that, could you use earphones?” My Chinese being very rubbish, I motioned and made it clear what I meant. She pretended not to understand but her acting was about as good as what you see in the poxy soaps (my ex use to love em – part of the reason she’s my ex) that, in between her marathon variety show sessions, she doubtless manages to squeeze into her hectic schedule.

A couple of stops later she got off and then waited til the doors were about to close before shouting “Fuck! Fucky! Fucking you!” Unfortunately for her, the beeping that signifies the doors closing was literally a false alarm and they didn’t close.

Now I get up with my best broad psycho grin on my mug and approach. Cue the most desperate scuttling escape you’ve ever seen in your life. Her flabby little legs were going twenty to the dozen as she disappeared down the platform.

I guess she got home early than usual, so I helped the fathead by giving her a few extra minutes loafing time in front of whatever retarded crap she was watching next. Don’t say FTNM ain’t a considerate bloke.

Selfish Bastards on the MRT

Rail hogs maximise the space they can take up so they can have it all to themselves.

Rail hogs maximise the space they can take up so they can have it all to themselves.

Finally the fathead on the left grudgingly budges, while Miggins on the left helpfully lifts up a shopping bag, leaving a handbag in place. In any case, it wouldn't have helped the woman in the middle ...

Finally the fathead on the left grudgingly budges, while Miggins on the rights helpfully lifts up a shopping bag, leaving a handbag in place. In any case, it wouldn’t have helped the woman in the middle …

I could write tomes on this. Really. Not a day goes past without some selfish bastard doing some selfish bastardy behaviour on the MRT. This particular ruse I have seen several times. For starters, the types who just put their tiny handbags on these rails as if they can’t carry them for a few stops are bad enough. They often put the bag down and then stand in front of the other half of the rail, essentially not using it but making sure no one else can.

But worse are the pair of dipsticks you can see in the above snaps. The bloke is sitting there with his tiny netbook case occupying enough space on the rest of the rail to make what’s left just too small for anyone to sit on. This bag is so minuscule that I cannot believe that he is putting it there for any other reason than to have the place to himself.

Now we come to the blockhead to the right of him who has gone a step further. She has plonked herself in the middle with her bag to the side so it is impossible for anyone to sit or put anything on the rail. Again, I refuse to believe this is an ‘accident’. It is so strategic, that it is clearly by design.

In the second photo, at last, a tired-looking 60-something woman approached the rails and through her body language basically made no bones about the fact that she wanted to sit down. Still, Mr. iPad slickster made a ‘put out’ expression as he shuffle his bag a few inches to the side, still only enough to allow the woman to perch uncomfortably on the corner as you can see. You will notice that from the first to the second photo, the other moron has picked up her pink paper shopping bag from the right, making a pretence ofhelping to create space without so much as moving one inch! In any case, her other bag remains in place.

I see this kind of selfish bastard idiocy almost every day.  Sometimes I want to give these fools a right slap …

Bird Shit

Now FTNM is no art critic but we knows what we like and this sure ain’t it. It looks like some lame attempt to copy the “superflat” crap of Takashi Murakami. As that Japanese artist is, in my opinion, an utter fucking charlatan along with pretty much 90 percent of “contemporary” artists these days, this is even worse that shit.

“Daydream”, as it is called, stands in Taipei Main Station near one of the exits to the Q Square Mall and Taipei Bus Station. The placard describing the point behind the monstrosity is filled with insight.

Oh, so that’s what it means … Wait. It’s still shit.

“Water” apparently “flows from the bird head covering the young girl’s face”. Hmmm, perhaps I’m missing something. “A girl that would never grow up”. OK, maybe starting to make something approaching sense now. “A pencil that will never write”. Nope. Free flow bollocks again. Best of all is the fact that she’s “caught between montion and stillness.” I don’t see much “montion” going on myself, but – hey – what do I know.

Meanwhile, I dread to think how much taxpayer’s dough was spunked on this eyesore. Ridiculous.

Ear Ear!

Ooooooh, yes.

Free tissues are quite a common thing in Taipei. They are usually given out to drum up trade for some business or other, often outside MRT stations. During elections you get the various candidates giving them out with airbrushed pictures of themselves and their running mates raising clenched fists and their respective electoral numbers on the front.

As with the handing out of most flyers, foreigners are usually given a wide berth with these things. So when a gaggle of heavily made-up slappers in purple uniforms approached me on Guangfu Road the other day and foisted their packets upon me, I was taken aback – in a good way, of course.

These were advertising a massage parlour called shining star. I’m not sure whether they offer “special” massagey there, but “basic consumption” for a mere NT$550 certainly sounds promising (the tissues might well come in handy at the end). For those looking to, ahem, splash out, there’s the “healthy massage” at NT$1,650 for 90 minutes. But what will catch any discerning gent’s eye will surely be the offer of “picking thy ears” for a bargain NT$450.  Ace.

I’m not picky …

Danger: white thieves and molesters on the prowl!

Look at this poster from the MRT. I mean, really. How else in one meant to take this shit than to read it as a blatantly racist slur? Why is the thief caucasian? How many white people have pickpocketed women on the MRT, like, EVER? What percentage of foreigners are involved in any sorts of crimes for that matter?

Don’t trust whitey …

As if that wasn’t enough, it appears foreign scum are also sexual predators here to take advantage of local women. Well we all knew that, anyway, right? Admittedly the woman in this one looks whitish herself, though that is probably because Western girls are all slags, right? Anyway, this perv grabbing the girl’s arse also has a distinctly milky hue to his complexion. Sort it out Taipei City – blatant racism on public transport. Shameful stuff.

Lock up your daughters: white devils are loose on the underground!

Pregnant Pause

What? I thought you were just a chubbster …

This young, blatantly preggers, lass stood for stop upon stop on the MRT the other day while these cool-as fuckers played Tetris-etc with their volume right up. Eventually one guy got up and offered his seat like a gent – a gent who had sat for 22 minutes before giving up his seat when he was getting off. Hero.