Teenaged Taiwanese Boys: Female Trannies in Disguise?

Note to myself: Must work on my masculine side a bit more ...

Note to myself: Must work on my masculine side a bit more …

If you’ve ever wondered why a good few young males here in Taiwan are far from the alpha type, this young plonker may well have provided us the answer with this brilliant T-shirt.

It’s not 100% clear from the pic but basically it says “FEMALE TRANSVESTITE”. Of course, the dumbass is completely oblivious to what a complete dicksplash he looks but it does make me think … Maybe we finally have the answer to the effeminate, androgynous, asexual behavior of so many young men here. Just sayin …

Visit the Historic City of Tainani

I think I’ll choose the Tainani option …

I spotted this on a wall outside a building which I think houses several cram schools. I don’t exactly know what the  International English Language Testing System (IELTS) is but a mate reckons it some kind of English proficiency test and, from what I can see, it seems to be connected to Cambridge uni.

Anyway, if you want to do the test, there are apparently centres all around the island: here in the capital, in Taoyuan, in Taichung and down south in Kaohsiung and TAINANI!

Honestly, how can these schools and “testing centres” be charging people to test their English abilities without being able to even spell or at least do a quick proofreading? Jesters …

Elite English

“Teacher, my favourite food is pizza!”

There’s no doubting the quality of some of the bushiban schools in Taiwan. Just look at some of the names: Trinity, Little Harvard, St. George’s … the list of stellar institutes of English crammery is endless.  The late great Wall Street Institute, in particular,  is well-known for the same fine principles as its financial namesake .

Then we have ELITE. This fine establishment is not only a centre of excellence in Chinglish-learning but also very helpful to boot. Just look at how they direct all their eager students to their premises next to  a world famous pizza chain.

Seriously, how dimwitted do you have to be to stick up a big sign for an English school without having it given the once over by someone who might, you know, be able to read at a level slightly higher than [English primary school joke warning] Roger Red Hat? Morons.

Ear Ear!

Ooooooh, yes.

Free tissues are quite a common thing in Taipei. They are usually given out to drum up trade for some business or other, often outside MRT stations. During elections you get the various candidates giving them out with airbrushed pictures of themselves and their running mates raising clenched fists and their respective electoral numbers on the front.

As with the handing out of most flyers, foreigners are usually given a wide berth with these things. So when a gaggle of heavily made-up slappers in purple uniforms approached me on Guangfu Road the other day and foisted their packets upon me, I was taken aback – in a good way, of course.

These were advertising a massage parlour called shining star. I’m not sure whether they offer “special” massagey there, but “basic consumption” for a mere NT$550 certainly sounds promising (the tissues might well come in handy at the end). For those looking to, ahem, splash out, there’s the “healthy massage” at NT$1,650 for 90 minutes. But what will catch any discerning gent’s eye will surely be the offer of “picking thy ears” for a bargain NT$450.  Ace.

I’m not picky …