Faking the Funk

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Rip-off Van Winkle

Now FTNM can, and does, spend hours bemoaning the despicably selfish behaviour one encounters daily on the MRT but the ‘fake sleeping’ technique  pretty much takes the biscuit. I’ve seen it mentioned on other blogs in Taiwan and on the news and there is no doubt it is a widespread ruse.

This self-centred grotbag was blatantly pretending. I know because I saw her peep when an elderly woman got on, then quickly make out that she was in the middle of snoozing again. What’s more, the odious trollop half opened her eyes again at one stage and saw I was aiming my phone cam in her direction. However rather than protest at my snapping her fakery, so desperate was this fathead to cling to her hard-won priority seat, that she instantly closed her eyes once again. I had my camera on the snapping noise effect mode so that there would be absolutely no question that I was capturing her mean-spirited behaviour and you can probably see a faint smirk of embarrassment  on her face that makes it obvious that she is NOT anywhere near asleep.

The fucktard next to her is not much better – a youngster hogging up a priority seat, too. The fact is, if there’s any danger of you (genuinely) falling asleep, you shouldn’t be plonking your fat arse down in the seat (I must add, by the way, the idea that almost all locals have that you’re not allowed to sit in these seats FULL STOP is misguided and clearly not backed up by the rules plastered all over the carriages. Basically it allows people to feel justified in not giving up a normal light blue seat because they aren’t ‘priority’ … I may come back to this point in a later post as I think it deserves a fuller treatment).

Black and White Issue?

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Was amazed to see this advertisement recently on an MRT platform. The blatant discrimination against dark-skinned people in Taiwan extends to advertising and its really rare to see black people in ads unless they are reinforcing some stereotype or other (NBA player, rapper, African tribesman etc.),

This image projects an image of black men that I don’t think I’ve ever come across in Taiwan – at least not in advertising . The company is also a Taiwanese brand. The thinking usually seems to be that people will be put off by “he ren” much in the way I’ve been told black teachers are rejected in Taiwan because they might “scare the kids.”

So fair play to these lot for bucking the trend. Maybe attitudes are slowly changing …

 

Professional Bollokers

You’ll be hard pressed to get as good a bolloking for 10NT anywhere else in Taipei.

Found this stall at Taipei Main Station. Reminded me of this classic Monty Python sketch.

“I came here for a bolloking!”

“Oh, that’s the next stall down. This is mild disapproval here. “

Begging the Question

Outside an MRT station – I forget which one … Quite a few of them don hats to protect themselves from the sun. didn’t the Buddha starve himself in the jungle, exposed to the elements? These guys want us to believe they are roughing it but I don’t see any of the poverty-stricken street paupers in Taipei wearing hats!

There are beggars the world over and Taipei is no exception. I give them a few shekels now and then, buy them some grub – heck I’ve even shared a bev with one or two in my time (though generally I don’t give em cash if I think they’re just going to booze it away).

These down-on-their-luck tramps of the normal variety I’ve never had ant real beef with. It’s the professional mendicants with the veneer of piety on their side that get my goat. Don’t get me wrong: of the religions I’ve come across, the Buddhist and Taoist beliefs in Taiwan seem the most tolerant and least in your face. By that I mean they don’t go around like the fucking Mor(m)ons proselytising and harassing all and sundry with their crap.

Inside Taipei Main Station: This guy was unabashedly going up to everyone he came across – even a disabled geezer as you can see here.

But I don’t like the fact that superstitious Taiwanese (like my girlfriend) are cowed into giving religious beggars money by the the thought that it’s doing em some karmic good. In many cases these same people wouldn’t think twice about giving the dirty tramp outside the 711 a penny but they get all terrified into coughing up as soon as they see some baldy ‘nun’ or ‘monk’ in an orange cloak with an official card round their neck approving their scrounging and a metal bowl. Some of these lot sit there kowtowing, pressing their heads off the pavement to add to the guilt trip.

It ain’t like we never had this shit in Europe back in the day but there’s a reason why begging for alms died out there hundred of years ago. Simply put, no one thinks they’ll rot in hell if they don’t give some holy fraud money. Not that all of these lot are frauds in the sense that they are knowingly ripping people off. I’m sure some of them believe in the sanctity of their calling. I just happen to believe it’s complete hogwash.

Here’s the geezer from shipai texting away on his iphone. Note the nice watch and the hefty satchel crammed with his lucky charms and ill-gotten gains.

In some cases, though, they are definitely crooked. I’ve seen a couple who are constantly shifting their eyes about em, looking to see if they are being observed before emptying their bowls full of crisp hundreds that they’ve made from their tough morning loafing into their pockets or wallets. Why? So the next hapless fool that wants a bunk up to Nirvana won’t see that they’re positively rolling in the readies. A bowl overflowing with notes doesn’t go with the image of the humble ascetic that these lot are trying to project.

Even those con men, though, pale into insignificance compared to new breed of aggressive ‘religious’ panhandlers I’ve come across in Taipei recently. I’ve seen these types in Southeast Asia and India but only here more recently. Their favoured technique is to get your attention and before you realise it, try and hand you some stupid little laminated ‘Buddhist’ image. Once you have it in your hand (which FTNM being an on-his-toes type who would never fall for such lame techniques never has), you are ‘obliged’ to give the fuckers a donation. The other day near Guting MRT, one of these ne’er-do-wells attempted this style on me. When I told him to do one, he followed me down the street declaring ‘No, no, no, no!’ (I’m not sure what this repeated denial was about but from his tone, rather than telling me  I wasn’t allowed to refuse his advances, I think he was attempting to stress that he wasn’t engaging in any chicanery).

Here he is again, fleeing the scene. Once the old turd knew I was on to him, he scurried off like a rat up a drainpipe.

Another time I saw a guy (see two pics above) skulking about in Tienmu (they are moving up in the world), attempting to force his trinkets on people (even going in shops and disturbing owners and customers). Later I caught sight of him scoffing MacDonald’s fries, washed down with a large Coke in a shady nook of a park near the market in nearby Shipai. When the old charlatan noticed me trying to snap photos (I’m pretty sure he recognised me from earlier), he quickly got up and hurried off heading for the MRT station. As (for him, bad) luck would have it, I happened to be going the same way and tailed him at a leisurely pace.

We ended up on the same MRT carriage and – lo and behold – the toerag only goes and pulls out an iPhone and starts texting. An iPhone ffs! I don’t have a bloody iPhone. On his wrist was a chunky watch that looked like it was pretty good quality. When to his dismay he spotted me spotting him again, he got up at the next stop and and got off the MRT. Suspecting a ruse,  I peered out the door and saw him scampering down the platform to re-enter further down. Needless to say, his terror was tenfold when he looked up from the latest priority seat he had occupied those couple of carriages down and there I was standing right in front of him again.

By the way, I’ve also heard that ‘official, accredited’ spongers like him (he had a card round his neck when he was roaming the streets, though who knows if it was fake) get subsidised or free MRT passes. Is that coming from taxpayers money?

This hefty looking bloke was hanging around in a lane downtown looking like a cross between an American convict in an orange jumpsuit and an astronaut.

Anyway, I think these ponces have a bloody cheek and that in most case they are bone idlers who need a good slap rather than the fawning respect that some seem to think they merit. I do have some other better pictures of some of the more aggro ones, people who go into shops trying to hand out these ‘cards’ but as I can’t seen to find them right now, I’ve just included a few of the more shady characters I’ve seen around town, especially the fellow I’ve just mentioned.

I’m not trying to say Taiwanese, or anyone, should stop giving to beggars. Each to their own. Charity, giving or whatever people want to call it, is admirable when well-directed. But I just don’t get why the poorest, dirtiest bums get routinely ignored while the ‘religious’ mendicants seem to get swamped with dosh. Do people really believe that you’ll earn more karma by giving to these ‘spiritual’ types when many of them are clearly nothing but hucksters? Even the genuinely ‘pious’ ones usually look much better off than the average tramp.

Whatever. I’ll stick to the really needy and leave others (including my gf and her fam) to be suckered in the name of religion!

Danger: white thieves and molesters on the prowl!

Look at this poster from the MRT. I mean, really. How else in one meant to take this shit than to read it as a blatantly racist slur? Why is the thief caucasian? How many white people have pickpocketed women on the MRT, like, EVER? What percentage of foreigners are involved in any sorts of crimes for that matter?

Don’t trust whitey …

As if that wasn’t enough, it appears foreign scum are also sexual predators here to take advantage of local women. Well we all knew that, anyway, right? Admittedly the woman in this one looks whitish herself, though that is probably because Western girls are all slags, right? Anyway, this perv grabbing the girl’s arse also has a distinctly milky hue to his complexion. Sort it out Taipei City – blatant racism on public transport. Shameful stuff.

Lock up your daughters: white devils are loose on the underground!

Pregnant Pause

What? I thought you were just a chubbster …

This young, blatantly preggers, lass stood for stop upon stop on the MRT the other day while these cool-as fuckers played Tetris-etc with their volume right up. Eventually one guy got up and offered his seat like a gent – a gent who had sat for 22 minutes before giving up his seat when he was getting off. Hero.

Masking Dissent

The following helpful sign can be found on the MRT. Should I? Doesn’t sound like a law to me so I’ll say “fuck off”, especially when that mask bollocks has repeatedly been shown to do nothing.

Wear em or die (especially if you’re a foreign type)!