I know pop starlet Rihanna had a tune about umbrellas and she doesn’t wear a lot of clothes and is generally considered hot, but apart from that and umbrellas being vaguely dick-shaped, they’re not high on my sexy list.
In Taiwan in particular, umbrellas are fucking annoying and lame. Oooh, there’s a drizzle of rain … I might get wet … the terror! Ooooh, now it’s stopped raining and I detect a minuscule ray of sun peeping through the clouds … And that’s the blokes!Don’t even get me started on the ridiculously annoying people (particularly the old goats) who barge around with them everywhere, in crowded areas, invariably almost taking your eye out.
Although it narrows the field right down (there are some out there, though, believe me), I’ve made it a rule never to date any girl who takes out an umbrella to ward off the sun. I’m kind of an active bloke and like the great big outdoors. If a girl is the type whose going to be bandying an umbrella around at the slightest flicker of heat, then she’s unlikely to be the sort to like getting hot on sweaty on a three-hour hike. What level of adventurousness is such a person going to have, really? So umbrellas, oh, and fake, lenseless glasses that make you look like a complete prat … sorry ladies, FTNM don’t play that shit.
As I said, though, this narrows the field down big time. I mean, you know you’re in trouble when the strippers cover up! Look at these slappers on the back some truck in Shilin the other weekend. Firstly, they looked about as interested as a friendless teenager on downers in a Latin lesson as they jigged listlessly and lamely about.
But, the umbrellas?! These are women whose very raison d’etre, as they say in Spanish, is to expose their olive skin to slobbering perverts like myself. I repeat: these dosy tarts are meant to strip and wiggle their shit, yet here they are lumbering about to the crappiest eurotrash dance electronica, sourfaced and WORSE, shielding themselves from the dangerous sun!
If this is what the “easy” “anything goes” types are like in Taiwan, god help us! When you add these lot to the wusses I mentioned in “handjob” post a couple of posts back, it is little bloody wonder – I find myself repeating- that the birth rates in this country are fucked!
Notice, also, that the truck has the name “Hot Show” written on it. ha!
Strippers who cover up! Taiwan weirdness to the max!