This dickwad works for ISS, a Danish Multinational in Taiwan. Spread the Word to Local Press … Shouldn’t be too Hard to Find the Cunt

FTNM is not one to do reserve. If I’d been the forriner in this vid, this bellend woulda had his head kicked in and currently be resting in the deep bamboo by now.

Still, he’s got the chump on video, even though Mr. Tuff Guy wouldn’t give his name. As the forrin fella seems to be having no joy with the cops let’s get the fine folk in the Taiwanese media on fucktard’s case.

Real easy. He’s a security guard for ISS, a Danish company in Taiwan. It says so on his grimy, unbuttoned uniform. What a gibbering fucking moron!

Here’s the ISS Web site:

And their address is here:

My Chinese reading being non-existent, my mate says that is 10F, No.20, Bade Rd, Section 3 in Songshan.

Let’s spread the word and have the press round there first thing bright and early. I’m sure Mr. Man will be pleased to explain his views on trash loawai to all and sundry. Happy hunting!



Lord, put me outta my misery before I get to this stage …

Is this what happens to old forrinners?

Is this what happens to old forrinners?

This geezer rocks. He’s busting all kinds of rudeness. Hard to see exactly how dope that shirt is from this photo, but basically it’s a pink silk Chinese-style number. He’s obviously one of those sad lifers who reckons he’s semi-Taiwanese or something. Probably has shit-hot Chinese and knows all the most obscure and ridiculous customs but they still just call him a fat old loawei behind his back.

Then, he’s toppin it off with that hat, complete with string. The only thing that’s lacking is some Crocodile-Dundee-styley corks on strings, though he does have one string for a chinstrap – a real touch of class.

If you’re not feelin his stylo, there’s also the trainers. Clunky-ass pieces of crap, shoelaces untied, giving him even more a a caj look! Love the way he’s tapping away on that laptop.

Finally, and certainly not least, what the fuck is gannin on with his bag. It appears to be hooked up to a ketring in his computer, with a cord for the headphones coming from it … and that blue light?! Cyborg alert! You’d think these man-machines could turn themselves out a little more presentable, like, though.

Seriously, though, when I see these foreign oldsters, I fear for my sanity and know I have to get out of here eventually before I end up looking like this embarrassment!

Men in Tights … Another Stupid Taiwan Trend

Since I’ve been in Taiwan, there have been some ludicrous fashion and clothing trends. One that refuses to die and is still lingering on like a putrid fart in a lift is the “lenseless glasses” fad. This has to be one of the most idiotic and annoying things ever. Every time I see one of these peabrained prannies, I feel like pretending to trip over and conveniently “landing” with two fingers in their eyeballs. It’s mainly young girls who adopt this stupid “fashion” but one other style I’ve been coming across a lot recently can be seen on young men all over Taipei. I’m referring to the lycra leggings of the type you can see being worn by this guy in the following photo.

“You wear tights?”
“I wear the required uniform.”

Now, people try to excuse this disgraceful trend by saying it’s for basketball blahdee blah. So I asked someone who plays basketball at uni with his mates and who I caught wearing these why he needed them.

Lycra legging-wearer: “Because it’s cold.”

Me: So why not wear tracksuit bottoms?

LLW: Because these stop you from sweating.

Me: So why wear the shorts on top? Why not just wear the legging with nothing else?

LLW: (Starting to look embarrassed) Because that would look …

Me: (keeping staight face and playing the innocent) … Look what? What would be wrong with that?

LLW:Because it would look like a girl or ….

Me: What?

LLW: Maybe like a gay. (his words)

So, there you have it. This guy could see that wearing complete leggings, uninterrupted by shorts would look “like a gay” or, let’s say rather effeminate, yet wearing them under the shorts looks just fine.

Anyway, all these types claiming they wear them for basketball so tey don’t sweat are full of shit. No one was wearing these things a couple of years ago and I’ve even seen some obese types busting them these days. And, it seems the louder and uglier the patterns on these things (just check the shit on my man in the pic), the better. If these were purely for athletic purposes, why the need for the garish designs?

Let’s get this straight: None of these twits is LeBron fucking James, just like the pathetic day cyclists decked out in similarly shiny, overpriced pro garb who can’t even make it up a molehill in the easiest gear are not Armstrong (on or minus the roids).

These people don’t need these daft accessories, they just think they look “cool”. But they don’t. They look fucking shit and when young, try-hard “hip-hAHp” types don them, it’s even more embarrassing – they look like complete pansies. Seriously, have some self-respect you tarts!

MRT Passengers Need to Grow a Pair

Listen you fuckers, why doesn't one of you kick the shit out of me, eh?!

Listen you fuckers, why doesn’t one of you kick the shit out of me, eh?!

Out on the lash tonight … just staggered back and can’t be arsed to figure out howto embed the video from the news article below, so I’m just posting the link here.  It’s from the local news service United Daily News and shows some forriner going apeshit on the MRT. They’re claiming he is Czech but it certainly doesn’t sound like to me. Anyhoo, this fool is ranting and raving and no one does a damn thing. I was out with a Mexican and American pal tonight and they both said this guy would have copped a beating bigtime if he’d been trying to chuck it like this on public transport in their home countries. Actually, in the States, he’d probably have a cap popped in that ass, as the gangster rap types say. If he’d been spouting that shit in London, especially the given the way he was slagging the locals off, then I’m pretty sure he would’ve got battered, too. I do reckon he has some mental issues, but unfortunately that’s not going to stop you catching a clobberin. In fact, it might even invite an even quicker end to your ravings as people ain’t going to take the risk that you might start getting physical, to quote, er, Olivia Newton Jones, was it? That’s just the thing though … The geezer’s whole “point” (yeah, it’s hard to find one in the midst of all that mouth-frothing madness) seems to be that Taiwanese area spineless bunch who don’t stand up to aggression and conforntation of the very sort he is exhibiting. And, it’s an ironic kind of paradox that he sees to be right! The only fella who says shit to him seems to receive his congrats and hearty pat of the back before he launches into his rantings again to tell the others that “his friend” is the only one standing up to him. In a way, it’s a kind of fascinating point. “I’m going to act like an utter cunt to prove that you lot don’t stand up to utter cunts”, though I doubt he has actually had the clearvision to formulate a strategy in that way. Anyway, mental illness or not, someone definitely needed to slap some sense into him. People were saying all over Facebook and online media that he didn’t touch or even physically threaten anyone but that’s bollocks. He was getting all up in people’s faces and he was clearly actually touching one bloke near the end. The guy in question seems to only grow a pair of gonads once the staff, who I guess were alerted by someone on one of the intercoms, get on the carriage. He then appears to mutter some half-hearted stuff back at our headcase hero. As people have mentioned, this guy went at it for well past the amount of time that skinny little fuck had to kill four people on the MRT last year, so – sorry dude, if you’re just a general loon, or having a meltdown cos your cram school finally got tired of seeing your old miserable arse getting older and more miserable in front of tearful toddlers, and gave you the chop, but you get that aggro that close to me and you get tiger uppercutted the fuck out. Oh, and when I slammed that shit into GoogleTranslate, I saw the article referred to “Adoulah” which I know is a Taiwanese word for forriners that isn’t polite. I read somewhere that it came from Japanese as when they pointed at forriners, they would say “Look, a dog, ah!” Not sure if that’s true … also heard that it means “big nose”. Whetever, trust the local media to put these fucking discriminating words in their articles for no reason than to get a racist dig in. The geezer was a twat, not a “foreign twat”. I also saw people on the Taiwan News in English thread saying “Another forriner being out of order etc.” Why are they saying “ANOTHER” like this is what we expect from loa wai all the time  …? Seems some forriners have been here too long and go in for the tarring everyone with the same brush mentality that passes for insight into other cultures to Taiwanese. Self-loathing mo-fos.

More Racist MRT Shit

Rollei Digital Camera

Daddy, I can’t believe you don’t know the rules despite having lived in Taipei since before I was born.

Seriously, enough is a fucking nuff. Why oh why does every wrongdoer in MRT ads have to be foreign?

I’ve already commented on the blatant racism in MRT ads showing whities and forrin-looking types robbing and molesterin innocent locals. Even though this one is less blatantly offensive, it’s still the same old shit: westerners breaking the rules. At the very least, it is saying “Hey, you dumb forriners, learn the rules.”

The various excuses I’ve heard from locals range from: “It just happens to be a white person” to “Well some foreigners might not know.”

Both of these excuses are rubbish. If it just happens to be a whitey, why is the guy’s missus a local (I guess we should be happy that they’re portraying mixed marriages) who is telling him to stop his naughty conduct? Though less malicious than the robber/molester ads, this ad is even more annoying in a way because the wife and kid know the rules but he doesn’t. If he’s been around long enough to have a kid of, what around six-plus years old and she knows what’s what, don’t you reckon he would as well?

I’m surprised the mixed-race kid isn’t depicted as half breaking the rules, say, perhaps eying the food and considering munching on it. After all, these half-breeds aren’t technically Chinese are they? From what my mate with two little girls of a similar age tells me, it’s a thing of wonder to most (non-mixed race) Taiwanese that these “foreigners” can speak Chinese.

Who woulda thought that a mongrel child born in Taiwan, educated in local schools and constantly hearing and communicating in Chinese with friends and relatives would be able to master the tongue. Well done! But I’m digressing into another rant here …

Anyway, enough of these stupid fucking ads Taipei City. At the very least they are patronising and to many of us forriners, they are downright rude.

Oh and why the fuck does it have “no chewing betel nut” in English? How many foreigners are likely to be doing that, eh? Dumb as anything.

Comical behaviour

Oh, Shao Ming, this is the best date we've ever been on ...

Oh, Shao Ming, this is the best date we’ve ever been on …

What is with with grown adults reading comics here? I’m not talking graphic novels or anything half serious but crappy Japanese manga comic books (again, not the cool stuff, but Doraemon and “One Piece” – that pirate cartoon that is an obsession here).

There are shops selling (and renting?) this crap all over Taipei and you can see people of all ages and walks of life sitting in and outside these places wasting hours of their time on stuff that wouldn’t be challenging to the average seven-year-old. I’ve seen businessmen types, suited and booted sitting on the porch of these places (there’s usually seating outside) captivated by these mindless things.

I guess we should be thankful that they are reading something – aside from this rubbish and textbooks, Taiwanese in general do not appear to be big readers. I’m not saying people back in the UK are bookish but you see many more people reading on the tube and elsewhere in public in London and other cities. And while it might not be literary classics, at the very least I’m talking about books that aren’t peppered with pictures.

Just have a look at these two above. A couple (I gathered this from the one bit of physical contact they made during the near half and hour I saw them on the MRT – a brief touch of hands), they barely so much as glanced at each other while chuckling away at their comics (One Piece, I think). When the gimp of a guy did speak to his paramour, it was just to ask if she was finished and wanted to swap (she declined).

Seriously, I know they’re not hurting anyone, but that ain’t going to stop me what declaring: what a pair of fucking saddoes.

In the Bag

My bag has had a very hard and day and is very tired ...

My bag has had a very hard day and day and is very tired …

You can’t really see it very clearly in this snap, but this prick insisted on hogging a space on the MRT with his oh-so-precious bag. Why do so many shitheads do this on public transport? As you can see from his “rabbit-in-the-headlights” look, he seemed to have clocked the fact that I was homing in on his sorry arse. Did it result in him taking his silly little bag off the seat? Did it fuck.

Another Fake Sleeper


There’s no denying this one has some good faking skills. I suspect years of practice is the key.

Fake sleepers are well-known phenomenon on the MRT that I and many others have remarked about before. These people sit in the priority seats and pretend they are asleep so they don’t have to get off their lazy fat arses and stand for a few stops for, say, an elderly person or a pregnant woman.

Sometimes locals and foreigners alike will ask “How can you be sure they are faking it?” There are several telltale signs. On some occasions, one can see several of them in effect at the same time, on others there might be just one giveaway clue.


The glass barrier is a great headrest and the perfect position for the one-eyed peek.


In the case of this tub of lard, there were two blatant red alerts. Firstly, she was suddenly instantly overcome with sleep as soon as an elderly couple stepped onto the MRT, having been A-OK for a good few stops before. The second undeniable bit of evidence was the series of darting looks she gave to see whether the coast had cleared.

I, and others, have observed these peeks before and they confirm the perpetrators shameless antics beyond any shadow of a doubt.


Bet she wins the three legged race every time …

Now, I know it’s rude to stare but I was on the MRT today and, well, I’d never seen something like this before and it kind of freaked me out. Behold, the girl with the three legs:


Mindless MRT Morons Part 326


God, this is soooooo good, I think everyone in this carriage should hear it.


Yes, boys and girls, it’s your friendly local Nightmarketer back on the corner. Been away so long – out of the country again on top secret biz, and up to my neck in work – but I’m like Take That now: Back For Good.

Not only am I back, but I’m that other thing that people who are back often are (especially rappers from what I recall) MAD. You’d be a fool to cross my path. Alas, there are way too many bozos in Taipei City who make that mistake. The numpty above is a prime example.

This pea-brained pranny was listening to her shitty Taiwanese game show on her mobile, complete with those unspeakably stupid sound effects (thing Bruce Wayne Batman “POW! WHAM!” shit here) that these shows have to have, because to not have them would make life so dull. I left her ridiculously selfish carry-on go for a while but a man has to be allowed to hit the local honeys up on hook-up social media in peace without that droning dross in his lughole.

“Turn that fucking shit off before I give you a slap,” I told her. Something like that, though it may have been more like ‘Excuse me, if you want to listen to that, could you use earphones?” My Chinese being very rubbish, I motioned and made it clear what I meant. She pretended not to understand but her acting was about as good as what you see in the poxy soaps (my ex use to love em – part of the reason she’s my ex) that, in between her marathon variety show sessions, she doubtless manages to squeeze into her hectic schedule.

A couple of stops later she got off and then waited til the doors were about to close before shouting “Fuck! Fucky! Fucking you!” Unfortunately for her, the beeping that signifies the doors closing was literally a false alarm and they didn’t close.

Now I get up with my best broad psycho grin on my mug and approach. Cue the most desperate scuttling escape you’ve ever seen in your life. Her flabby little legs were going twenty to the dozen as she disappeared down the platform.

I guess she got home early than usual, so I helped the fathead by giving her a few extra minutes loafing time in front of whatever retarded crap she was watching next. Don’t say FTNM ain’t a considerate bloke.