Taiwan Football: Rubbish Cheats

Some rubbish Taiwanese football players, possibly following some cheating ...

Some rubbish Taiwanese football players, possibly following some cheating …

The Taiwanese love to accuse other people of cheating – mainly Korean people. I don’t know why this is. Someone told me it’s something to do with the old days when both places were colonies of Japan and the fact that Koreans actually stood up for themselves (and at least tried to ovethrow the Japanese) whereas the Taiwanese just bent and over and took a good rogering. Another reason that has been put forward is simply that the Taiwanese see Korea as their main competitor or basically as a slightly better version of themselves. The fact that the Koreans don’t seem to even vaguely register Taiwan makes them even more pissed off.

Anyway, people in Taiwan rabbitting on about cheating is a blatant case of pots and kettles if ever I’ve heard one. I mean, anyone who has been involved in “education” in this country knows about the ridiculous amount of cheating that goes on at all levels. It’s pretty much ingrained and institutionalised. It’s hardly surprising that kids up and down the country cheat their little arses off at everything when the people in power are about as straight as a bleedin roundabout. What hope does society have when the example they get from the government is so appalling?

Speaking of the authorities, it appears they’ve been at it in that oh-so-popular of Taiwanese sports, football (known to my Yankish pals as SAH-kurrr). Sports in general is one area where they’re always bemoaning Korean cheating but they’ve got a cheek. Just google Taiwanese baseball scandals and see what you get about their league here (the CBL or something, it’s called). A Taiwanese mate told me the entire history of what is apparently a pretty rubbish league is littered with examples of cheating at the highest level.

Anyway, it appears that they are now even cheating at sports that they are bona-fide shit at playing. The HEAD of the Taiwan national football association no less has been accused of rigging the national team’s games to win massive bets on them.  You can read the whole report here on the government news website. I find it hard to believe that a figure of over a million US dollars is being mentioned here. I went to the stadium to watch a game with a mate a couple of years ago and it was pretty much empty. The “ticket” to get in? A 711 receipt! Seriously!

Also, it appears the football chief was betting on his boys to lose (i.e. throw the match) but surely they don’t have to try too hard to achieve that given how abjectly pants they are. The FocusTaiwan article seems to say the odds were in Taiwan’s favour, which I find amazing but I suppose they were the home team and playing an even rubbisher team (beggars belief) …

Anyway, whetever the case, I would guess that if this shit gets proved, which from the sounds of the geezer (who has a record as long as your arm of dodginess) it probably will, Taiwan will get booted out of its group, which I think is qualifying for the World Cup in Russia. I don’t think they would have had much chance getting through anyway but how embarrassing is it to be one of the very shittest teams in the world and still get booted for cheating?

Come to think of it, maybe that was the plan: Save some face by preventing a series of drubbings! Nice ruse!


Jolin Tsai: Professional Sucker

OK, not the kind of thing I’d usually post on this upstanding sweet blog o’ mine but stumbled upon this vid while, cough, searching for something else (honestly!). And here, ladies and gents is the undeniable evidence that Jolin Tsai is utter shite. As the foremost ambassador of Taiwanese pop music, we might as well add that it’s proof of the shiteness of that rubbishly shite genre overall, too.

My word she is absolutely woeful. Let’s forget her appallingly dodgy pronunciation (despite the fact that she is always giving it the big one in the media about being an English major from the oh-so-prestigious Fu Jen Cafflik Uni) which is bad enough.

She’s flat, sharp and basically all over the bloody gaff. Worse, the silly tart chooses a song by a singer who, whatever her faults, has a famously huge range (five octaves or something crazy like that). When the bridge of the tune comes (on 30 seconds if you can stay with it for that long) and there’s a key change, she wuite obviously doesn’t know where to go as it’s too much of a leap for her (or she just can’t figure out how to hit the right notes) and, well, the result is excruci-fucki-ating:

Gotta give the lass credit, she has become an enormous superstar throughout the Chinese-speaking world with fuck all discernable talent. Well, perhaps the record industry’s bigwigs know better than I do on that last score as, with a strangled-cat squawking like this, she not only sucks but probably did a good deal of sucking to get to where she did. Godawful.

More Disgraceful Racism about Southeast Asian Migrant Workers in Taiwanese Media

Discrimination against migrant workers from Southeast Asia is standard in Taiwan. You only have to hear people talking about immigrants from Thailand, Indonesia and the Philippines to realise just how blatantly racist people are here. I’ve heard people talking about how they look “dirty” and “ugly” and how they might be thieves or criminals. The latter claim is hilarious: I’d be willing to bet that the number of crimes done by these immigrants is almost zero. People come here to make some dough to send back home to their fams. They just want to put their heads down, slog away and, eventually (when they’ve paid off their scummy agents which from what I’ve heard takes at least a year’s worth of wages) get the fuck out. They have a hard enough time without thinking about a sideline in crime.

But some of these deceitful “wailao” as I think Taiwanese call them (it means something like “foreign labourer”, have sidelines in other stuff and it is the duty of the Taiwanese media to report on these scoundrels. This, for want of a better word, “report” here from the woeful Want Want Times that has been circulating on Facebook details the case of an immigrant making money on the side with an Internet business.

Let’s leave aside the killer payoff near the end that admits “there is no clear ruling on whether selling goods online violates such conditions” and thus confirms that the racist puke that we’ve just been reading is actually a complete non-story. The fact is, this disgusting “piece” is nothing more than excuse to start abusing and demonising migrant workers. Let’s also examine the “facts”. The article claims of this sly wench that “her former employer found out through her mobile phone records that she was able to make up to NT$60,000 (US$1,900) extra money a month, more than twice her official pay, by buying and selling things online.”

Anyone see anything odd here? Firstly, just off the bat, 60K sounds like complete bollocks to me. If that was true why did she just do one, disappearing as the article claims like a thief in the night? If she was bringing in that kind of coin undetected, why no keep it up for as long as possible? There is no indication that her employer was on to her. Which, leads to the next thing. How the fuck was she able to “operate her business during her employer’s absence during the day, when she would have logistic companies deliver and ship all sorts of goods through the lobby of her employer’s building”? I don’t care if the guy wasn’t around, or the person she was (presumably) looking after was too senile to know or remember, are you telling me NO ONE clocked these shenanigans? This is Taiwan, where nosy neigbours or all up in your shit like bluebottles. Pleeeease. And as for the eventual discovery … phone records? What the fuck kind of explanation is that? That’s IT? The guy found out from her “phone records”? Were they all to logistics companies? Did he phone them all and confirm that she was having stuff shipped to his address? Did he them follow up the other calls and discover they were to the people she was selling to? Obviously, we don’t have or need the answers to those questions. We are assured that he proved it by the “phone records” which is obviously enough to have her up in front of the firing squad for the average unquestioning Taiwanese reader.

All this crap reporting and suspicious presentation of the facts, though, pales into insignificance in the face of the conclusion of this first “case”, which our intrepid reporter ends by informing us “the manager said nothing was missing from the house after the helper disappeared.” It’s hard to think of a more blatantly, revoltingly racist way to bring this whole sorry story to and end. Why on earth would you need to add that line. I’ve no idea. Oh wait, yes I do. We need an obvious plot device to move us onto the next example of forrin wrongdoery. “Another former employer of a foreign domestic helper,” we are told “was not so lucky” as the person in the first case. (Note how that first person is “lucky”. You’re lucky if you don’t get robbed by these dirty South Easterners. Even though the bitch was earning well over the national average wage on the side from something that it turns out wasn’t even illegal, you are lucky that she didn’t steal from you).

This second poor Laoban told reporters “he found several electric home appliances and goods missing from his home after she disappeared. After tracing her computer browsing history, he found that his belongings including clothes, blankets and a bread toaster among others items had been sold on used goods trading websites.” Blankets? Seriously? You can find that kind of crap at the side of any street on any given day in Taipei. People are seriously going to buy crummy secondhand blankets online? Also, note again, how he was able to detect her evil ways through “checking records”. Again, there are some very obvious red flags here. I happened to date an Indonesian girl here and know some Filipinas. Many of them quickly pick up the the local lingo and some become pretty fluent in no time at all. But few that I have heard of who are working as domestic helpers learn to read and write Chinese characters to a high level. Where exactly was this girl advertising her stolen goods? It’s virtually impossible on local sites unless you read and write Chinese or have someone to help you. Don’t tell me … it was on Tealit or Forumosa? Or maybe a Bahasa or Tagalog language site? I’m sure, polyglot that he is, Laoban would have been able to navigate that one no probs. Again, I smell pungent BS here.

Next there is the guy who says he discovered a girl he employed to look after an elderly relative “had been trying to make extra money through prostitution during the three hours it took for the hospital visit” by nipping up while the oldster was having treatment. Of course. Not only are they thieves. They’re whores as well. Once more, we are given no clue as to how this revelation came about. Did he follow her? Otherwise how the fuck does he know what she was up to? Or perhaps laoban just happened to be in the areas where these activities take place and bumped into the shameless tart? Who knows …?

Finally, this brilliant bit of journalism ends on a heart-warming note, when we are told by one kind Laoban that “it is important to build a relationship with a domestic helper and give them little gifts from time to time to express one’s gratitude so that they also feel part of the family.” Yes, they’re a simple lot these South Easterners. Give em a few trinkets and they’ll be less likely to thieve from you and sell themselves on the nearest street corner. Seriously, is it any wonder than so many people hold at the worst completely racist and, at best, absolutely ignorant and idiotic views of migrant workers from Southeast Asia when this disgraceful garbage is served up as “journalism”? Sickening.

Now I’ve got that off my chest, I’m off to sell some stolen goods online in exchange for sex from a migrant worker … Peace.

Piff, paff, POOF!

Gay men are meant to be nice to their mums, which is one reason why Old Muvva FTNM was always pretty certain that her boy wasn’t batting for the other side. Still, while you won’t find me down the docks “making the sign” to young sailors looking for special favours any time soon (though given my financial status right now, one can never rule anything out), I do like to consider myself a modern , metrosexualish sort.

Even so, there really was no need for this e-mail that I found in my junk this morning. If Orbitz or any other online travel agent wants to let me know about a special offer, abusing me with a homophobic slur is certainly not the way to go about it. Totally uncalled for.


Why Let Facts Get in the Way of a Crap Meme?

50 percent and a load of irrelevant waffle … Must try harder.

The amount of idiotic memes doing the rounds at the moment seems to be increasing exponentially by the day. ‘Like if you hate cancer’ (Me? I love it!) … Like and this poor fucker gets a new dick … This shit has been exposed ages ago as ‘like farming’ and decent articles have been trying to hammer the message home ever since, but way too many people are – frankly – just clueless when it comes to the old Intranet.

This one above that has been circulating in Taiwan is not a scam as such, rather just very crap. Let’s do like MC Hammer and breggidown:


1) Lowest birthrate: wrong.

2) Last country using traditional characters: wrong (they’re used in Hong Kong and Macau, which are basically provinces of China. If you want to argue that they aren’t, well trad. characters are also used in Guangzhou and by calligraphers all over China. So shut it.)

3) Slightly bigger than Belgium: Pretty much true but so the fuck what? How about almost bang-on the same size as Guinea-Bissau or a third the size of Somaliland? What, not so cool?

4) Not Thailand: Erm …

5) Not in the UN: Yep.

6) First democracy: Tosh. Maybe they meant Republic, but leaving aside the fact that that lasted a couple of months, it would still be wrong.

7) Highest density of convenience stores: Congratulations!

8) Reading on a Taiwanese product: Nope. Well, at least not a Taiwanese brand.

9) Not a part of China: (genuine) Yay!

10) 100th birthday: Oh dear … Not this old chestnut again. 1911 … What was Taiwan’s status at the time. Rising Sun flags hoisted around the island as far as I’m aware. More rubbish.

So that’s 5/10, I make it. and of the half that are factual, I’d say two are vaguely worth writing home about. Not the best advertisement of how much you love your country this one, peeps.