Gotta Hand It To Him …


Further to my post (see a couple below) the other week about Taiwan’s TV wanking competition, it looks like having a tug could spell trouble in the afterlife.

No, you won’t necessarily be burning in the fiery depths of hell for eternity or even getting a through ticking off from the big man upstairs. But, your hands could get pregnant.

That’s according to an in-no-way-potty Turkish cleric, who you can read about in this article here from Turkey’s English-language Hurriyet Daily News.

Asked by a viewer who admitted he had something of a wanking problem what the Koran’s stance on banging the old bishop is:

Han claimed that Islam strictly prohibits masturbation as a “haram” (forbidden) act. “Moreover, one hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights,” he said, referring to what he claimed to be a saying of Prophet Muhammad.

A mate of mine who currently resides in the country sent this along to me, hoping to avert impending disaster in the afterlife for me, and thank goodness he did. With the furious meat beating that I’ve engaged in, I reckon I’ll have more children than Screaming Jay Hawkins sprouting from my palms! And that’s just based on tonight’s “handy-work!”

For some reason, people took to social media to ridicule the ant-wanking cleric, with one netizen tweeting:

Are there any hand-gynaecologists in the afterlife? Is abortion allowed there?

Believe you me, they won’t be laughing when, after they depart from this world, they find themselves with scores of mewling brats literally on their hands …