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Jolin Tsai: Professional Sucker

OK, not the kind of thing I’d usually post on this upstanding sweet blog o’ mine but stumbled upon this vid while, cough, searching for something else (honestly!). And here, ladies and gents is the undeniable evidence that Jolin Tsai is utter shite. As the foremost ambassador of Taiwanese pop music, we might as well add that it’s proof of the shiteness of that rubbishly shite genre overall, too.

My word she is absolutely woeful. Let’s forget her appallingly dodgy pronunciation (despite the fact that she is always giving it the big one in the media about being an English major from the oh-so-prestigious Fu Jen Cafflik Uni) which is bad enough.

She’s flat, sharp and basically all over the bloody gaff. Worse, the silly tart chooses a song by a singer who, whatever her faults, has a famously huge range (five octaves or something crazy like that). When the bridge of the tune comes (on 30 seconds if you can stay with it for that long) and there’s a key change, she wuite obviously doesn’t know where to go as it’s too much of a leap for her (or she just can’t figure out how to hit the right notes) and, well, the result is excruci-fucki-ating:

Gotta give the lass credit, she has become an enormous superstar throughout the Chinese-speaking world with fuck all discernable talent. Well, perhaps the record industry’s bigwigs know better than I do on that last score as, with a strangled-cat squawking like this, she not only sucks but probably did a good deal of sucking to get to where she did. Godawful.


6 responses to “Jolin Tsai: Professional Sucker

  1. Aaron ⋅

    Sorry, where’s the video of you singing Chinese? You’ve been in Taiwan for what appears to be 3 years now and you still can’t read a banner in Xinbeitou welcoming people from Changhua? I suggest you keep your criticism of Jolin Tsai’s musical performance limited to her octave range as opposed to her language skills.

  2. Er … that’s exactly what I do when I say “let’s forget …” old bean. And you’ve hit the nail on the head mate, though obviously by accident! I don’t try and sing in a lingo I’m not comfortable with, so I don’t make a spectacle of meself. And I don’t big up my Chinese. I’ve seen her “fluent English” talked up X amount of times and I know for a fact it’s bollocks. First of all, I’ve seen her on chat shows doing “English lessons” and she was barely comprehensible. You can find the vid on YouTube and even the Taiwanese on the comments thread are slating her.

    Also, my ex was actually in her class and said she was hardly the sharpest tool in the box and that her English was pretty rubbish. All irrelevant though, as I was obviously going on about her appalling vocals, and very fleetingly alluded to her pronunciation, so don’t try twisting it up into something it ain’t, me old mucker.

    Are you saying that is good singing in that there vid? Are you saying it is even passable? Or is it fucking shite? The rest of that blather you stressing is just that. Changhua, t’raas! What’s that got to do with the price of fish? Ye dyamn pickney, my yout!

    As for “what appears to be 3 years” … How did you come to that conclusion? Oh, I can see this blog was started three years ago, therefore … Well done on the keystone cop deductions, Columbo.

  3. RonPaul2016 ⋅

    She sings great. #stupidforeigners

  4. Hahahahahahahahahahaha. kersplutter … Are you having a fucking bubble bath, mate? That was nearly as bad as the Mariah cover. Given who she’s “covering” perhaps worse! Benson? George FUCKING Benson. Not only one of the greatest jazz guitarists of all time, a fantastic, understated pop vocalist with a timbre and delivery that that two-bob caterwauler couldn’t even dream of if she was up to her eyeballs on on whiskey and a gram of Bolivian marching powder!

    Even more cringeworthy given what/who this song is about. Any idea? I highly doubt it and I’m certain that shrieking banshee doesn’t have the foggiest either.

    How old are you? I really hope you’re just trolling, otherwise you’re making a complete titwank of yourself.

    “She sings greats” and you post that vid …. hahahahuhuhuhuh … snort … fucking hilarious!

  5. Garry ⋅

    Maybe for the second link she took her idea of what it should have sounded like from here

  6. Mr. Randy Watson! Amazing! Can’t believe it never occurred to me. Sexual Chocolate feat. Jolin. I can see it now.

    “She sings so beautiful, don’t y’all agree?”

    “One more time, give it up for Ms. Jolin Tsai ..”

    etc. etc.

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