Jolin Tsai: Professional Sucker

OK, not the kind of thing I’d usually post on this upstanding sweet blog o’ mine but stumbled upon this vid while, cough, searching for something else (honestly!). And here, ladies and gents is the undeniable evidence that Jolin Tsai is utter shite. As the foremost ambassador of Taiwanese pop music, we might as well add that it’s proof of the shiteness of that rubbishly shite genre overall, too.

My word she is absolutely woeful. Let’s forget her appallingly dodgy pronunciation (despite the fact that she is always giving it the big one in the media about being an English major from the oh-so-prestigious Fu Jen Cafflik Uni) which is bad enough.

She’s flat, sharp and basically all over the bloody gaff. Worse, the silly tart chooses a song by a singer who, whatever her faults, has a famously huge range (five octaves or something crazy like that). When the bridge of the tune comes (on 30 seconds if you can stay with it for that long) and there’s a key change, she wuite obviously doesn’t know where to go as it’s too much of a leap for her (or she just can’t figure out how to hit the right notes) and, well, the result is excruci-fucki-ating:

Gotta give the lass credit, she has become an enormous superstar throughout the Chinese-speaking world with fuck all discernable talent. Well, perhaps the record industry’s bigwigs know better than I do on that last score as, with a strangled-cat squawking like this, she not only sucks but probably did a good deal of sucking to get to where she did. Godawful.