Men in Tights … Another Stupid Taiwan Trend

Since I’ve been in Taiwan, there have been some ludicrous fashion and clothing trends. One that refuses to die and is still lingering on like a putrid fart in a lift is the “lenseless glasses” fad. This has to be one of the most idiotic and annoying things ever. Every time I see one of these peabrained prannies, I feel like pretending to trip over and conveniently “landing” with two fingers in their eyeballs. It’s mainly young girls who adopt this stupid “fashion” but one other style I’ve been coming across a lot recently can be seen on young men all over Taipei. I’m referring to the lycra leggings of the type you can see being worn by this guy in the following photo.

“You wear tights?”
“I wear the required uniform.”

Now, people try to excuse this disgraceful trend by saying it’s for basketball blahdee blah. So I asked someone who plays basketball at uni with his mates and who I caught wearing these why he needed them.

Lycra legging-wearer: “Because it’s cold.”

Me: So why not wear tracksuit bottoms?

LLW: Because these stop you from sweating.

Me: So why wear the shorts on top? Why not just wear the legging with nothing else?

LLW: (Starting to look embarrassed) Because that would look …

Me: (keeping staight face and playing the innocent) … Look what? What would be wrong with that?

LLW:Because it would look like a girl or ….

Me: What?

LLW: Maybe like a gay. (his words)

So, there you have it. This guy could see that wearing complete leggings, uninterrupted by shorts would look “like a gay” or, let’s say rather effeminate, yet wearing them under the shorts looks just fine.

Anyway, all these types claiming they wear them for basketball so tey don’t sweat are full of shit. No one was wearing these things a couple of years ago and I’ve even seen some obese types busting them these days. And, it seems the louder and uglier the patterns on these things (just check the shit on my man in the pic), the better. If these were purely for athletic purposes, why the need for the garish designs?

Let’s get this straight: None of these twits is LeBron fucking James, just like the pathetic day cyclists decked out in similarly shiny, overpriced pro garb who can’t even make it up a molehill in the easiest gear are not Armstrong (on or minus the roids).

These people don’t need these daft accessories, they just think they look “cool”. But they don’t. They look fucking shit and when young, try-hard “hip-hAHp” types don them, it’s even more embarrassing – they look like complete pansies. Seriously, have some self-respect you tarts!


Taiwan Football: Rubbish Cheats

Some rubbish Taiwanese football players, possibly following some cheating ...

Some rubbish Taiwanese football players, possibly following some cheating …

The Taiwanese love to accuse other people of cheating – mainly Korean people. I don’t know why this is. Someone told me it’s something to do with the old days when both places were colonies of Japan and the fact that Koreans actually stood up for themselves (and at least tried to ovethrow the Japanese) whereas the Taiwanese just bent and over and took a good rogering. Another reason that has been put forward is simply that the Taiwanese see Korea as their main competitor or basically as a slightly better version of themselves. The fact that the Koreans don’t seem to even vaguely register Taiwan makes them even more pissed off.

Anyway, people in Taiwan rabbitting on about cheating is a blatant case of pots and kettles if ever I’ve heard one. I mean, anyone who has been involved in “education” in this country knows about the ridiculous amount of cheating that goes on at all levels. It’s pretty much ingrained and institutionalised. It’s hardly surprising that kids up and down the country cheat their little arses off at everything when the people in power are about as straight as a bleedin roundabout. What hope does society have when the example they get from the government is so appalling?

Speaking of the authorities, it appears they’ve been at it in that oh-so-popular of Taiwanese sports, football (known to my Yankish pals as SAH-kurrr). Sports in general is one area where they’re always bemoaning Korean cheating but they’ve got a cheek. Just google Taiwanese baseball scandals and see what you get about their league here (the CBL or something, it’s called). A Taiwanese mate told me the entire history of what is apparently a pretty rubbish league is littered with examples of cheating at the highest level.

Anyway, it appears that they are now even cheating at sports that they are bona-fide shit at playing. The HEAD of the Taiwan national football association no less has been accused of rigging the national team’s games to win massive bets on them.  You can read the whole report here on the government news website. I find it hard to believe that a figure of over a million US dollars is being mentioned here. I went to the stadium to watch a game with a mate a couple of years ago and it was pretty much empty. The “ticket” to get in? A 711 receipt! Seriously!

Also, it appears the football chief was betting on his boys to lose (i.e. throw the match) but surely they don’t have to try too hard to achieve that given how abjectly pants they are. The FocusTaiwan article seems to say the odds were in Taiwan’s favour, which I find amazing but I suppose they were the home team and playing an even rubbisher team (beggars belief) …

Anyway, whetever the case, I would guess that if this shit gets proved, which from the sounds of the geezer (who has a record as long as your arm of dodginess) it probably will, Taiwan will get booted out of its group, which I think is qualifying for the World Cup in Russia. I don’t think they would have had much chance getting through anyway but how embarrassing is it to be one of the very shittest teams in the world and still get booted for cheating?

Come to think of it, maybe that was the plan: Save some face by preventing a series of drubbings! Nice ruse!

Jolin Tsai: Professional Sucker

OK, not the kind of thing I’d usually post on this upstanding sweet blog o’ mine but stumbled upon this vid while, cough, searching for something else (honestly!). And here, ladies and gents is the undeniable evidence that Jolin Tsai is utter shite. As the foremost ambassador of Taiwanese pop music, we might as well add that it’s proof of the shiteness of that rubbishly shite genre overall, too.

My word she is absolutely woeful. Let’s forget her appallingly dodgy pronunciation (despite the fact that she is always giving it the big one in the media about being an English major from the oh-so-prestigious Fu Jen Cafflik Uni) which is bad enough.

She’s flat, sharp and basically all over the bloody gaff. Worse, the silly tart chooses a song by a singer who, whatever her faults, has a famously huge range (five octaves or something crazy like that). When the bridge of the tune comes (on 30 seconds if you can stay with it for that long) and there’s a key change, she wuite obviously doesn’t know where to go as it’s too much of a leap for her (or she just can’t figure out how to hit the right notes) and, well, the result is excruci-fucki-ating:

Gotta give the lass credit, she has become an enormous superstar throughout the Chinese-speaking world with fuck all discernable talent. Well, perhaps the record industry’s bigwigs know better than I do on that last score as, with a strangled-cat squawking like this, she not only sucks but probably did a good deal of sucking to get to where she did. Godawful.

MRT Passengers Need to Grow a Pair

Listen you fuckers, why doesn't one of you kick the shit out of me, eh?!

Listen you fuckers, why doesn’t one of you kick the shit out of me, eh?!

Out on the lash tonight … just staggered back and can’t be arsed to figure out howto embed the video from the news article below, so I’m just posting the link here.  It’s from the local news service United Daily News and shows some forriner going apeshit on the MRT. They’re claiming he is Czech but it certainly doesn’t sound like to me. Anyhoo, this fool is ranting and raving and no one does a damn thing. I was out with a Mexican and American pal tonight and they both said this guy would have copped a beating bigtime if he’d been trying to chuck it like this on public transport in their home countries. Actually, in the States, he’d probably have a cap popped in that ass, as the gangster rap types say. If he’d been spouting that shit in London, especially the given the way he was slagging the locals off, then I’m pretty sure he would’ve got battered, too. I do reckon he has some mental issues, but unfortunately that’s not going to stop you catching a clobberin. In fact, it might even invite an even quicker end to your ravings as people ain’t going to take the risk that you might start getting physical, to quote, er, Olivia Newton Jones, was it? That’s just the thing though … The geezer’s whole “point” (yeah, it’s hard to find one in the midst of all that mouth-frothing madness) seems to be that Taiwanese area spineless bunch who don’t stand up to aggression and conforntation of the very sort he is exhibiting. And, it’s an ironic kind of paradox that he sees to be right! The only fella who says shit to him seems to receive his congrats and hearty pat of the back before he launches into his rantings again to tell the others that “his friend” is the only one standing up to him. In a way, it’s a kind of fascinating point. “I’m going to act like an utter cunt to prove that you lot don’t stand up to utter cunts”, though I doubt he has actually had the clearvision to formulate a strategy in that way. Anyway, mental illness or not, someone definitely needed to slap some sense into him. People were saying all over Facebook and online media that he didn’t touch or even physically threaten anyone but that’s bollocks. He was getting all up in people’s faces and he was clearly actually touching one bloke near the end. The guy in question seems to only grow a pair of gonads once the staff, who I guess were alerted by someone on one of the intercoms, get on the carriage. He then appears to mutter some half-hearted stuff back at our headcase hero. As people have mentioned, this guy went at it for well past the amount of time that skinny little fuck had to kill four people on the MRT last year, so – sorry dude, if you’re just a general loon, or having a meltdown cos your cram school finally got tired of seeing your old miserable arse getting older and more miserable in front of tearful toddlers, and gave you the chop, but you get that aggro that close to me and you get tiger uppercutted the fuck out. Oh, and when I slammed that shit into GoogleTranslate, I saw the article referred to “Adoulah” which I know is a Taiwanese word for forriners that isn’t polite. I read somewhere that it came from Japanese as when they pointed at forriners, they would say “Look, a dog, ah!” Not sure if that’s true … also heard that it means “big nose”. Whetever, trust the local media to put these fucking discriminating words in their articles for no reason than to get a racist dig in. The geezer was a twat, not a “foreign twat”. I also saw people on the Taiwan News in English thread saying “Another forriner being out of order etc.” Why are they saying “ANOTHER” like this is what we expect from loa wai all the time  …? Seems some forriners have been here too long and go in for the tarring everyone with the same brush mentality that passes for insight into other cultures to Taiwanese. Self-loathing mo-fos.

More Disgraceful Racism about Southeast Asian Migrant Workers in Taiwanese Media

Discrimination against migrant workers from Southeast Asia is standard in Taiwan. You only have to hear people talking about immigrants from Thailand, Indonesia and the Philippines to realise just how blatantly racist people are here. I’ve heard people talking about how they look “dirty” and “ugly” and how they might be thieves or criminals. The latter claim is hilarious: I’d be willing to bet that the number of crimes done by these immigrants is almost zero. People come here to make some dough to send back home to their fams. They just want to put their heads down, slog away and, eventually (when they’ve paid off their scummy agents which from what I’ve heard takes at least a year’s worth of wages) get the fuck out. They have a hard enough time without thinking about a sideline in crime.

But some of these deceitful “wailao” as I think Taiwanese call them (it means something like “foreign labourer”, have sidelines in other stuff and it is the duty of the Taiwanese media to report on these scoundrels. This, for want of a better word, “report” here from the woeful Want Want Times that has been circulating on Facebook details the case of an immigrant making money on the side with an Internet business.

Let’s leave aside the killer payoff near the end that admits “there is no clear ruling on whether selling goods online violates such conditions” and thus confirms that the racist puke that we’ve just been reading is actually a complete non-story. The fact is, this disgusting “piece” is nothing more than excuse to start abusing and demonising migrant workers. Let’s also examine the “facts”. The article claims of this sly wench that “her former employer found out through her mobile phone records that she was able to make up to NT$60,000 (US$1,900) extra money a month, more than twice her official pay, by buying and selling things online.”

Anyone see anything odd here? Firstly, just off the bat, 60K sounds like complete bollocks to me. If that was true why did she just do one, disappearing as the article claims like a thief in the night? If she was bringing in that kind of coin undetected, why no keep it up for as long as possible? There is no indication that her employer was on to her. Which, leads to the next thing. How the fuck was she able to “operate her business during her employer’s absence during the day, when she would have logistic companies deliver and ship all sorts of goods through the lobby of her employer’s building”? I don’t care if the guy wasn’t around, or the person she was (presumably) looking after was too senile to know or remember, are you telling me NO ONE clocked these shenanigans? This is Taiwan, where nosy neigbours or all up in your shit like bluebottles. Pleeeease. And as for the eventual discovery … phone records? What the fuck kind of explanation is that? That’s IT? The guy found out from her “phone records”? Were they all to logistics companies? Did he phone them all and confirm that she was having stuff shipped to his address? Did he them follow up the other calls and discover they were to the people she was selling to? Obviously, we don’t have or need the answers to those questions. We are assured that he proved it by the “phone records” which is obviously enough to have her up in front of the firing squad for the average unquestioning Taiwanese reader.

All this crap reporting and suspicious presentation of the facts, though, pales into insignificance in the face of the conclusion of this first “case”, which our intrepid reporter ends by informing us “the manager said nothing was missing from the house after the helper disappeared.” It’s hard to think of a more blatantly, revoltingly racist way to bring this whole sorry story to and end. Why on earth would you need to add that line. I’ve no idea. Oh wait, yes I do. We need an obvious plot device to move us onto the next example of forrin wrongdoery. “Another former employer of a foreign domestic helper,” we are told “was not so lucky” as the person in the first case. (Note how that first person is “lucky”. You’re lucky if you don’t get robbed by these dirty South Easterners. Even though the bitch was earning well over the national average wage on the side from something that it turns out wasn’t even illegal, you are lucky that she didn’t steal from you).

This second poor Laoban told reporters “he found several electric home appliances and goods missing from his home after she disappeared. After tracing her computer browsing history, he found that his belongings including clothes, blankets and a bread toaster among others items had been sold on used goods trading websites.” Blankets? Seriously? You can find that kind of crap at the side of any street on any given day in Taipei. People are seriously going to buy crummy secondhand blankets online? Also, note again, how he was able to detect her evil ways through “checking records”. Again, there are some very obvious red flags here. I happened to date an Indonesian girl here and know some Filipinas. Many of them quickly pick up the the local lingo and some become pretty fluent in no time at all. But few that I have heard of who are working as domestic helpers learn to read and write Chinese characters to a high level. Where exactly was this girl advertising her stolen goods? It’s virtually impossible on local sites unless you read and write Chinese or have someone to help you. Don’t tell me … it was on Tealit or Forumosa? Or maybe a Bahasa or Tagalog language site? I’m sure, polyglot that he is, Laoban would have been able to navigate that one no probs. Again, I smell pungent BS here.

Next there is the guy who says he discovered a girl he employed to look after an elderly relative “had been trying to make extra money through prostitution during the three hours it took for the hospital visit” by nipping up while the oldster was having treatment. Of course. Not only are they thieves. They’re whores as well. Once more, we are given no clue as to how this revelation came about. Did he follow her? Otherwise how the fuck does he know what she was up to? Or perhaps laoban just happened to be in the areas where these activities take place and bumped into the shameless tart? Who knows …?

Finally, this brilliant bit of journalism ends on a heart-warming note, when we are told by one kind Laoban that “it is important to build a relationship with a domestic helper and give them little gifts from time to time to express one’s gratitude so that they also feel part of the family.” Yes, they’re a simple lot these South Easterners. Give em a few trinkets and they’ll be less likely to thieve from you and sell themselves on the nearest street corner. Seriously, is it any wonder than so many people hold at the worst completely racist and, at best, absolutely ignorant and idiotic views of migrant workers from Southeast Asia when this disgraceful garbage is served up as “journalism”? Sickening.

Now I’ve got that off my chest, I’m off to sell some stolen goods online in exchange for sex from a migrant worker … Peace.