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Urinal Freak

Watch out for this guy. Guaranteed on any given evening you'll come across him in the toilets nearest the first set of stairs down to the red line at Taipei Main Station.

Watch out for this guy. He seems to have disappeared of late but a while back, guaranteed on any given evening you would come across him in the toilets nearest the first set of stairs down to the red line at Taipei Main Station.

As a completely normal person, I have made it one of my New Year’s Resolutions to be more tolerant of those less fortunate individuals who were born weird.

The individual below above is one such person and I suppose there is not much he can do about it. Unfortunately, despite a huge effort on my part, I am unable to forgive him his freakery. The main reason is that his particular brand of fucked-upness involves standing for hours on end of an evening at the middle urinal in the men’s toilets near the stairs down to the red (Tamsui) line in Taipei Main Station.

The first time I noticed him I thought he might be blind, as he keeps his eyes half open so they seem to be almost rolling with the whites showing. Also, he stands so close that his head is usually almost touching the wall, so I thought he was trying to make sure he didn’t miss.

A couple of days later, I felt someone sideways glancing at me and looked to see exactly the same geezer (I remembered because of his odd behaviour on the first occasion). I thought it might just be a big, weird coincidence and that the length of time he seemed to be spending there and the proximity to the urinal could be on account of stage fright or something.

When I saw him around the same time of night (maybe 10 p.m. ish – he seems to lurk there anywhere from 7 – 10) for a third time, then I knew something was up. After I washed my hands, I decided to stand outside and see how long he would stay. Texting away to some mates, I saw him stand there for a whole 15 minutes. I called out to him and asked what he was doing. He turned and saw me and quickly turned away again pushing his head even closer to the wall. I made it clear that I was aware of his bizarre antics and that he’d better stop.

A couple of days later, there he was again, this time glancing around quite regular in the direction of his fellow pissers. I voiced my disapproval even more bluntly and, when he still wouldn’t budge, alerted one of the station cops who happened to be near by. As soon as described what was going on (the cop could basically see by my gestures), he chuckled and did an extremely accurate impression of the weirdo’s stance, which made it clear to me that he knew who I was on about.

But the cop just shrugged and claimed he couldn’t do anything (I know that expression in Chinese – meiyo banfa), which irked me even more. Are you telling me a cop can’t prevent a creepy, slightly pervy nutter from loitering for hours on end in a men’s public toilet? I’ll bet my life if it had been a forriner, he’d be up in court by the end of the week on sexual assault charges.

A few weeks later, I saw the dodgy bastard on the platform and accosted him. He pretended he didn’t know who I was but he knew damn well and scuttled his deviant arse off down the other end of the platform.

Haven’t seem him in a while, so hopefully they’ve finally removed him permanently or banged him up somewhere and not a moment too soon.

As I say, I’m trying to be a more tolerant person, kind of. But wackjobs like this make it very hard. Be on the look out for the disturbing character next time you’re taking a slash in the MRT. He may well have moved on to to pastures new.

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