Yes, boys and girls, it’s your friendly local Nightmarketer back on the corner. Been away so long – out of the country again on top secret biz, and up to my neck in work – but I’m like Take That now: Back For Good.
Not only am I back, but I’m that other thing that people who are back often are (especially rappers from what I recall) MAD. You’d be a fool to cross my path. Alas, there are way too many bozos in Taipei City who make that mistake. The numpty above is a prime example.
This pea-brained pranny was listening to her shitty Taiwanese game show on her mobile, complete with those unspeakably stupid sound effects (thing Bruce Wayne Batman “POW! WHAM!” shit here) that these shows have to have, because to not have them would make life so dull. I left her ridiculously selfish carry-on go for a while but a man has to be allowed to hit the local honeys up on hook-up social media in peace without that droning dross in his lughole.
“Turn that fucking shit off before I give you a slap,” I told her. Something like that, though it may have been more like ‘Excuse me, if you want to listen to that, could you use earphones?” My Chinese being very rubbish, I motioned and made it clear what I meant. She pretended not to understand but her acting was about as good as what you see in the poxy soaps (my ex use to love em – part of the reason she’s my ex) that, in between her marathon variety show sessions, she doubtless manages to squeeze into her hectic schedule.
A couple of stops later she got off and then waited til the doors were about to close before shouting “Fuck! Fucky! Fucking you!” Unfortunately for her, the beeping that signifies the doors closing was literally a false alarm and they didn’t close.
Now I get up with my best broad psycho grin on my mug and approach. Cue the most desperate scuttling escape you’ve ever seen in your life. Her flabby little legs were going twenty to the dozen as she disappeared down the platform.
I guess she got home early than usual, so I helped the fathead by giving her a few extra minutes loafing time in front of whatever retarded crap she was watching next. Don’t say FTNM ain’t a considerate bloke.