More Racist MRT Shit

Rollei Digital Camera

Daddy, I can’t believe you don’t know the rules despite having lived in Taipei since before I was born.

Seriously, enough is a fucking nuff. Why oh why does every wrongdoer in MRT ads have to be foreign?

I’ve already commented on the blatant racism in MRT ads showing whities and forrin-looking types robbing and molesterin innocent locals. Even though this one is less blatantly offensive, it’s still the same old shit: westerners breaking the rules. At the very least, it is saying “Hey, you dumb forriners, learn the rules.”

The various excuses I’ve heard from locals range from: “It just happens to be a white person” to “Well some foreigners might not know.”

Both of these excuses are rubbish. If it just happens to be a whitey, why is the guy’s missus a local (I guess we should be happy that they’re portraying mixed marriages) who is telling him to stop his naughty conduct? Though less malicious than the robber/molester ads, this ad is even more annoying in a way because the wife and kid know the rules but he doesn’t. If he’s been around long enough to have a kid of, what around six-plus years old and she knows what’s what, don’t you reckon he would as well?

I’m surprised the mixed-race kid isn’t depicted as half breaking the rules, say, perhaps eying the food and considering munching on it. After all, these half-breeds aren’t technically Chinese are they? From what my mate with two little girls of a similar age tells me, it’s a thing of wonder to most (non-mixed race) Taiwanese that these “foreigners” can speak Chinese.

Who woulda thought that a mongrel child born in Taiwan, educated in local schools and constantly hearing and communicating in Chinese with friends and relatives would be able to master the tongue. Well done! But I’m digressing into another rant here …

Anyway, enough of these stupid fucking ads Taipei City. At the very least they are patronising and to many of us forriners, they are downright rude.

Oh and why the fuck does it have “no chewing betel nut” in English? How many foreigners are likely to be doing that, eh? Dumb as anything.

Albino cockroach!  Actually, while I'd never seen one of these before, apparently they're pretty common and it just means they've shed their exoskeleton. It takes a couple of hours for the new one to harden and turn the shiny brown colour we all know and loathe. So if you're looking to squash one of these bastards, during their white phase is prime whacking time!

Albino cockroach!
Actually, while I’d never seen one of these before, apparently they’re pretty common and it just means they’ve shed their exoskeleton.
It takes a couple of hours for the new one to harden and turn the shiny brown colour we all know and loathe.
So if you’re looking to squash one of these bastards, during their white phase is prime whacking time!

Not a fan?


Saw this fan at the swimming pool/sports centre the other day. At the top it reads TRASH CAN, which I suppose indicates the lowest setting, and at the bottom, it says MAKE YOUR DAY, which must be the effect of using number 3, the highest setting.

Just in case you’re thinking the titles given to these “settings” are a little random, the name of the fan makes things clearer. It’s called “The Grouad Fan”. Naturally.


Comical behaviour

Oh, Shao Ming, this is the best date we've ever been on ...

Oh, Shao Ming, this is the best date we’ve ever been on …

What is with with grown adults reading comics here? I’m not talking graphic novels or anything half serious but crappy Japanese manga comic books (again, not the cool stuff, but Doraemon and “One Piece” – that pirate cartoon that is an obsession here).

There are shops selling (and renting?) this crap all over Taipei and you can see people of all ages and walks of life sitting in and outside these places wasting hours of their time on stuff that wouldn’t be challenging to the average seven-year-old. I’ve seen businessmen types, suited and booted sitting on the porch of these places (there’s usually seating outside) captivated by these mindless things.

I guess we should be thankful that they are reading something – aside from this rubbish and textbooks, Taiwanese in general do not appear to be big readers. I’m not saying people back in the UK are bookish but you see many more people reading on the tube and elsewhere in public in London and other cities. And while it might not be literary classics, at the very least I’m talking about books that aren’t peppered with pictures.

Just have a look at these two above. A couple (I gathered this from the one bit of physical contact they made during the near half and hour I saw them on the MRT – a brief touch of hands), they barely so much as glanced at each other while chuckling away at their comics (One Piece, I think). When the gimp of a guy did speak to his paramour, it was just to ask if she was finished and wanted to swap (she declined).

Seriously, I know they’re not hurting anyone, but that ain’t going to stop me what declaring: what a pair of fucking saddoes.

In the Bag

My bag has had a very hard and day and is very tired ...

My bag has had a very hard day and day and is very tired …

You can’t really see it very clearly in this snap, but this prick insisted on hogging a space on the MRT with his oh-so-precious bag. Why do so many shitheads do this on public transport? As you can see from his “rabbit-in-the-headlights” look, he seemed to have clocked the fact that I was homing in on his sorry arse. Did it result in him taking his silly little bag off the seat? Did it fuck.

Fat Jong Temple

Even fat people can have their own temples.

Even fat people can have their own temples.

Was hiking in Beitou recently and came across this bus stop. I actually went up the stairs nearby which led to the temple. Didn’t see Fat Jong anywhere. Apparently he’s particularly popular with worshippers in North Korea.


Urinal Freak

Watch out for this guy. Guaranteed on any given evening you'll come across him in the toilets nearest the first set of stairs down to the red line at Taipei Main Station.

Watch out for this guy. He seems to have disappeared of late but a while back, guaranteed on any given evening you would come across him in the toilets nearest the first set of stairs down to the red line at Taipei Main Station.

As a completely normal person, I have made it one of my New Year’s Resolutions to be more tolerant of those less fortunate individuals who were born weird.

The individual below above is one such person and I suppose there is not much he can do about it. Unfortunately, despite a huge effort on my part, I am unable to forgive him his freakery. The main reason is that his particular brand of fucked-upness involves standing for hours on end of an evening at the middle urinal in the men’s toilets near the stairs down to the red (Tamsui) line in Taipei Main Station.

The first time I noticed him I thought he might be blind, as he keeps his eyes half open so they seem to be almost rolling with the whites showing. Also, he stands so close that his head is usually almost touching the wall, so I thought he was trying to make sure he didn’t miss.

A couple of days later, I felt someone sideways glancing at me and looked to see exactly the same geezer (I remembered because of his odd behaviour on the first occasion). I thought it might just be a big, weird coincidence and that the length of time he seemed to be spending there and the proximity to the urinal could be on account of stage fright or something.

When I saw him around the same time of night (maybe 10 p.m. ish – he seems to lurk there anywhere from 7 – 10) for a third time, then I knew something was up. After I washed my hands, I decided to stand outside and see how long he would stay. Texting away to some mates, I saw him stand there for a whole 15 minutes. I called out to him and asked what he was doing. He turned and saw me and quickly turned away again pushing his head even closer to the wall. I made it clear that I was aware of his bizarre antics and that he’d better stop.

A couple of days later, there he was again, this time glancing around quite regular in the direction of his fellow pissers. I voiced my disapproval even more bluntly and, when he still wouldn’t budge, alerted one of the station cops who happened to be near by. As soon as described what was going on (the cop could basically see by my gestures), he chuckled and did an extremely accurate impression of the weirdo’s stance, which made it clear to me that he knew who I was on about.

But the cop just shrugged and claimed he couldn’t do anything (I know that expression in Chinese – meiyo banfa), which irked me even more. Are you telling me a cop can’t prevent a creepy, slightly pervy nutter from loitering for hours on end in a men’s public toilet? I’ll bet my life if it had been a forriner, he’d be up in court by the end of the week on sexual assault charges.

A few weeks later, I saw the dodgy bastard on the platform and accosted him. He pretended he didn’t know who I was but he knew damn well and scuttled his deviant arse off down the other end of the platform.

Haven’t seem him in a while, so hopefully they’ve finally removed him permanently or banged him up somewhere and not a moment too soon.

As I say, I’m trying to be a more tolerant person, kind of. But wackjobs like this make it very hard. Be on the look out for the disturbing character next time you’re taking a slash in the MRT. He may well have moved on to to pastures new.

Another Fake Sleeper


There’s no denying this one has some good faking skills. I suspect years of practice is the key.

Fake sleepers are well-known phenomenon on the MRT that I and many others have remarked about before. These people sit in the priority seats and pretend they are asleep so they don’t have to get off their lazy fat arses and stand for a few stops for, say, an elderly person or a pregnant woman.

Sometimes locals and foreigners alike will ask “How can you be sure they are faking it?” There are several telltale signs. On some occasions, one can see several of them in effect at the same time, on others there might be just one giveaway clue.


The glass barrier is a great headrest and the perfect position for the one-eyed peek.


In the case of this tub of lard, there were two blatant red alerts. Firstly, she was suddenly instantly overcome with sleep as soon as an elderly couple stepped onto the MRT, having been A-OK for a good few stops before. The second undeniable bit of evidence was the series of darting looks she gave to see whether the coast had cleared.

I, and others, have observed these peeks before and they confirm the perpetrators shameless antics beyond any shadow of a doubt.


Ring of Fire


Skip the two-a-penny crap in the background. This shit is Da Bomb!

I loves my shit hot, so when the boss of a local Chao Fan (fried rice) place saw me loading up with the lightweight salty red chilli sauce that you find in most places and not looking particularly impressed, he whipped this fucker out. Now my Yankish friends are always telling me how Canadians don’t do hot. I’ve always suspected that was bollocks as I have a couple of Canuck pals with a penchant for the fiery side of things.

The laoban (boss) had spent a bit of time in Vancouver (like, apparently, half of Taiwan) chasing after some bird and, when it went pear-shaped, he shuffled back to Formosa with nothing but this savagely hot sauce in his possession. He planted it and up sprung a fully-fledged fried rice shop.

Anyway, I had to give it a try as there were some local tuffs egging me on. Naturally, I maintained the habitual Brit stiff upper lip and tried my damnedest to ensure no tears came to my eyes. My composure (known in the trade as “styling it out”) ensured the locals were suitably impressed.

It was no mean feat as this was most certainly was among the hottest sauces I’ve ever come across and not actually particularly nice (not so much cos of the burn your sphincter off your arse power but more the stale, musty taste). Still, we only live once and “Da Bomb” should be sampled by any self-respecting capsicum freak!