Fat Foreigners: If You Can’t Shoot Em, Ignore Em

警棍打歪 勇擒酒駕胖老外

Seems like Taiwan’s cops have been excelling at fucking over Laowai over the last week or so. I don’t get much of what was said in the Apple Daily video linked above but I understand the words for “fat” and “foreigner” and they seem to be saying them quite a lot, usually in conjunction with one another. The title itself is about how the brave cops bent their truncheon out of shape while apprehending a fat foreigner. If you missed it, apparently this guy was fat. Oh, and foreign.

The rest my missus explained. It appears the geezer was pissed up and tried to flee on his scooter, then got a bit punchy. So they shot him. As you do. Have heard a lot of Taiwanese saying “Well, in America they would have killed him”. So that’s all right then. We’re not in America. And I’m not American.

Then there was this poor fella. Apparently he got the shit kicked out of him for talking talking too loud one night in a park. The assailant was another laowai, so the cops decided it was a laowai-on-laowai thang and who are they to get involved in, er, domestic disputes? This fucker apparently has previous back in the States, including a couple of assaults and firearms stuff. Sounds like just the kind of chap you want teaching little ‘uns their ABCs. Despite bragging on his thuggery to another foreigner who he threatened to batter if he grassed on him, the vile shitpig seems to be getting away scot free. Think the cunt needs to be paid a little visit, though as a community, I guess we need to do all we can to nip the worrying trend of laowai-on-laowai violence in the bud before it takes more lives. That’s just what The Man wants …

I guess the philosophy from the authorities is, those we can’t shoot will hopefully all eventually beat each other to death. (Especially the fat ones). It’ll be a shame that there’ll be no one left around to teach the kids “American” but you can’t have your cake and eat it and all that …