No Shit

I'd just finished working out at the local gym, and hopped in the shower to clean up. There I was, all set to lay a  nice big log on the shower floor as one naturally does, then I see this busybodying bit of signage.  I ask you, what is going on with the world when one can't shite in the shower of the local public sports centre without fear of recriminations ...?

I’d just finished working out at the local gym, and hopped in the shower to clean up. There I was, all set to lay a nice big log on the shower floor as one naturally does, then I see this busybodying bit of signage.
I ask you, what is going on with the world when one can’t shite in the shower of the local public sports centre without fear of recriminations from some do-gooder …?

Advertisements

Fry Up

If you pop into any Burger King in Taipei (and Taiwan?) at the moment, chances are it’ll be mobbed with hordes of clamoring schoolkids. That’s cos they’re doing some deal on limitless fries – well, all you can eat in an hour. You basically take up your receipt every time you want another portion.  Not sure how long it lasts but swathes of spotty teens are descending on every available branch to work on that acne. Get down to your local if you want to stuff you pie-hole on the cheap and can handle the din.

Would you like a burger with those fries?

Would you like a burger with those fries?

Selfish Bastards on the MRT

Rail hogs maximise the space they can take up so they can have it all to themselves.

Rail hogs maximise the space they can take up so they can have it all to themselves.

Finally the fathead on the left grudgingly budges, while Miggins on the left helpfully lifts up a shopping bag, leaving a handbag in place. In any case, it wouldn't have helped the woman in the middle ...

Finally the fathead on the left grudgingly budges, while Miggins on the rights helpfully lifts up a shopping bag, leaving a handbag in place. In any case, it wouldn’t have helped the woman in the middle …

I could write tomes on this. Really. Not a day goes past without some selfish bastard doing some selfish bastardy behaviour on the MRT. This particular ruse I have seen several times. For starters, the types who just put their tiny handbags on these rails as if they can’t carry them for a few stops are bad enough. They often put the bag down and then stand in front of the other half of the rail, essentially not using it but making sure no one else can.

But worse are the pair of dipsticks you can see in the above snaps. The bloke is sitting there with his tiny netbook case occupying enough space on the rest of the rail to make what’s left just too small for anyone to sit on. This bag is so minuscule that I cannot believe that he is putting it there for any other reason than to have the place to himself.

Now we come to the blockhead to the right of him who has gone a step further. She has plonked herself in the middle with her bag to the side so it is impossible for anyone to sit or put anything on the rail. Again, I refuse to believe this is an ‘accident’. It is so strategic, that it is clearly by design.

In the second photo, at last, a tired-looking 60-something woman approached the rails and through her body language basically made no bones about the fact that she wanted to sit down. Still, Mr. iPad slickster made a ‘put out’ expression as he shuffle his bag a few inches to the side, still only enough to allow the woman to perch uncomfortably on the corner as you can see. You will notice that from the first to the second photo, the other moron has picked up her pink paper shopping bag from the right, making a pretence ofhelping to create space without so much as moving one inch! In any case, her other bag remains in place.

I see this kind of selfish bastard idiocy almost every day.  Sometimes I want to give these fools a right slap …

Aunt Bella’s Umbrella: Blockbuster Black Bastards

Black Bastards

Is she Umbrella?

Is she Umbrella?

Here I was just trying to update the FTNM stall with the latest dose of Taiwan Hitler-love (will have to wait til next time) when a mate had to go and ruin it with this far less tasteful little titbit. Apparently the focus of this English pronunciation primer is to make sure Taiwanese learners don’t confuse words with similar sounds.

With this in mind, a couple of examples are given on the front cover, to the right of expert-English-speaker-lady. (click the photos for a close up.)

Who, after all all, hasn’t not stepped stepped into a video shop and asked the clerk what Black Bastard titles are concurrently available? Actually, in Old Blighty, I’ve heard these Black Bastards are out of business now. A good thing, too.  Aunt Bella will be thrilled.

Now, here are some Black Bastards that never saw the light of day: